Sexy and fat aren’t usually words we use in the same sentence. In general, if you’re fat you’re automatically considered to be unattractive and un-sexy. That is definitely not true, though, and these thoughts come from societal norms and unrealistic standards set by the media that you’re more than likely all too familiar with by now.
This is truly unfortunate because everyone deserves to feel sexy. And feeling sexy means you are sexy because if you feel sexy you exude confidence, and confidence is the sexiest quality in the entire world!
So how can you feel sexy while fat? (Keep in mind I don’t use fat as a derogatory word, just as a descriptor.) I’ve got a few tips for you!
How To Feel Sexy While Fat
Spend time naked
Often, if you’re overweight and uncomfortable with your body you hide parts of your body with clothes. You might even avoid the mirror in the bathroom before you step in the shower. Spending time with yourself sans clothing will boost your comfort with your body. You’ll probably feel silly and awkward at first, but it will become more natural over time. You don’t need to do it for hours, either! Just twenty minutes a day will do wonders.
Have sex with someone who loves the way you look
Having sex can be a double-edged sword with confidence. It can make you feel incredibly confident and sexy because someone obviously wants to have sex with you, but it’s also an incredibly vulnerable state that can make you extra self conscious! My advice is to have sex with someone you are very comfortable with and is super attracted to you. Their obvious attraction will make you feel more at ease.
I also advise you to let yourself be fully and unapologetically turned on. Don’t forsake a move because you’re worried about the way a roll of fat on your back might look. Go for your the best sex you can have! Just because you weigh more doesn’t mean your body doesn’t work, trust me — it still does.
I don’t mean this as a tip to lose weight, I just mean to get up and moving because when you exercise you increase your endorphins and you feel happier. You will also have the satisfaction of knowing you’re currently doing something healthy for your body. And if losing weight is one of your personal goals, you’ll know you’re on your way to achieving it!
Dress in a way that makes you feel sexy
I’m not going to tell you to “ditch the baggy clothes” and wear something more “form-fitting” if that’s not what you want to do. I will say that along with my advice of spending time naked, it can boost your confidence to go out in the world with something that hugs your curves instead of hides them can make you self conscious at first, but you’ll soon realize that nothing bad is actually going to happen as a result! It’s kind of like exposure therapy.
That being said, if that’s not something you want to do then you don’t have to! Being sexy is different for everyone, and that goes all the way down to your personal style. If you feel sexy in wide legged jeans, wear them! If you feel sexy in spandex, fill your closet with it! You deserve to feel sexy in your clothes, wahtever that means for you.
Have a boudoir photoshoot
Boudoir doesn’t automatically equal lingerie, you know. You can have a photoshoot that highlights your favorite qualities about yourself. That might be your laugh, sense of style, or your long legs; it’s different for everyone! The idea is to get someone to take photos of you in a safe space that produces images of you that make you realize how amazing and gorgeous you really are!
Take a burlesque class
Going to burlesque classes were amazing because they not only taught the art of seduction, but they allowed you to figure out your personal brand of sexy! In one of my beginner classes, my teacher created an activity where she assigned each of us a persona outside of our comfort zone. To most people she said be funny or silly, and to me she said “Be classically sexy”. At first I was kind of offended at the idea of me having to try extra hard to be classically sexy, but now I know that my brand of sexy is fun, wild, and silly not necessarily subtle and seductive.
Another great thing about burlesque classes was I was forced to look into full length mirrors at my body and face for uncomfortable periods of time. Some of the activities instructed us simply to make facial expressions at ourselves in the mirror for the length of a song, or to move freely around the room while maintaining eye contact with ourselves in the mirror. It taught me how to be more comfortable with how I look and getting feedback from my teacher and classmates gave me a lot of confidence, too!
What do you think? Any more ideas? Really, feeling sexy while fat is the same as feeling sexy at any size. You just have to believe you’re as gorgeous as you really are, ignore negative stereotypes and commentary, and work on increasing your self confidence as much as you possibly can! Remember that confidence equals sexy.
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I LOVE LOVE LOVE This!
I think I would like to add “accepting that someone finds you attractive” should be in there. I had a really hard time understanding why my husband found me sexy when we first started dating. I still sometimes question it, but I find he sexy as hell, so why wouldn’t he think of me in the same way?
If someone loves they way you look, even if you don’t. Just try to go with it and see things through their eyes the best you can.
That’s a great point, Diana! Accepting that someone finds you attractive or even just accepting a compliment from ANYONE is so important. I know exactly what you mean, I’ve struggled with that a lot myself. When I got out of my six year relationship and started dating again and there were all these men I found VERY attractive who were also interested in me and telling me I was beautiful and I was like “What’s your end game here?” hahah. I was suspicious instead of appreciative. Believing someone finds you irresistible is so vital— and fat girls can be with hot guys and hot girls!
I happened upon this page when I googles “how do i feel sexy when I’m overweight”. I have recently lost some weight and I still have a lot left to lose but there is a guy that I’ve known for a long time that asked me out on a date. I went with him and he was very touchy feely and I absolutely love it. I am going through a divorce with a man who never touched me for years and feeling unattractive was a big part of why I gained an excessive amount of weight. I’ve never had sex at this high of a weight before and I am super self conscious of every fold and bump. I want to be able to enjoy myself with this new guy, but I’m so nervous about whether he will be repulsed when he touches me. One of the things I was thinking of doing was to get new underwear to make me feel sexier. Can you suggest a place where someone who is about a woman’s size 18 could buy something sexy?
Lynda, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I’m really sorry you were in a marriage with someone who made you feel unattractive. You didn’t deserve that. I definitely know what you felt like with being the biggest you’ve ever been while being new on the dating scene! It seemed impossible to be sexy to someone from scratch, but it absolutely is. You’re hot and you deserve to feel that way. I hope you’ll stick around for more body positivity and self-love stuff!
Hi, Lynda. I have looked everywhere for sexy lingerie that fits. I am a 18/20 and have found that Lane Bryant is the only store that has lingerie that fits and is super sexy. I was getting frustrated and wore the same 3 beige granny bras that no longer fit for 5 years because I couldn’t find anything. My friend suggested Lane Bryant and I love it. If you have one in your area I suggest trying them.
Best of luck, Heather
I love this! Sexiness and confidence shouldn’t be about how you look but how you feel and all these tips are great for making you feel amazing at any size! I’m thinking about doing boudoir shoot as Christmas gifts for the guy this year, but I think I’m secretly hoping it will also give me a big boost in confidence too! And in a weird confession, I’m totally wearing the same panties you have on in that first picture today… haha awkward?
HAHA that’s not awkward that’s AWESOME synchronicity, I love it. And yes I 100% agree– I bet those pictures will boost your confidence like crazy! Share them with me if you feel inclined, I’d love to see. 🙂
One more tip-
Try, try, try, try, TRY not to buy into the media’s idea of what’s “sexy” and what’s not.
Shut off the computer.
Look away from the tabloid rags at the supermarket checkout.
Take a bath and squeeze your own rolls and folds! Aren’t they soft? Aren’t they plush? Aren’t they darling?
There are men out there who think so, too.
If someone wants a skeleton, well, let them find a skeleton.
Embrace your lovely, jiggly, round handfuls!
I absolutely agree, Josiah. We totally have to reframe our minds about what is beautiful to US, not just what we’re taught.
I struggle so much with self confidence. I am over weight and tall so I stick out like a sore thumb. I have a good personality and great sense of humor, wit and sharp minded…but I am unattractive as well. I am married with one child and my husband is very good looking. For the life of me I have no idea why he is with me. I have seen pictures of women he has dated and they are very pretty. My weight has fluctuated throughout my life and now that I have a life long health issue..it makes losing weight extremely difficult…next to.impossible. My mother has made passive agressive comments on my weight…comments that have stayed with me throughout all these years. Ex boyfriends who made jabs at my appearence. I figured if everyone is saying all these things…it must be true. Mine and my husbands sex life is frequent but I try so hard to hide my body and this bothers him. He wants to see me naked and lights on bright. But when I say I have a disgusting body..I am not lying….if I was a man I wouldnt even give me the time of day let alone have sex with me. I avoid mirrors at all cost and never sleep naked, and try not to be naked for long. I feel bad for my husband and I would never stop him from fantasizing about beautiful women, checking out women or watching porn. My husbands past girlfriends have been pretty crazy ..so I figure instead of dating beautiful and crazy…he will settle for ugly and smart with good sense of humor.
Oh, Tamara. I promise you there are men out there who will love you AND your body. I’m so sorry you feel that way. I’m coming out with a body positivity course that I think you could really benefit from. Make sure you’re on my mailing list so you can be notified when it comes out!
Tamara girl you need to stop pulling down yourself. You need to know that beauty comes in different shape and forms. You got a man that loves you and wanna see you with the lights on, girl grab him and give him what he needs with the lights on. Don’t care about the past girls or pasts boyfriend, or past comments by your mom made. Think about you, you, you and you and your happiness. Get a new hair cut or put some highlights in, or get some sexy lingerie. I wish I was your friend girl because little by little I would help you. You beautiful, sexy, smart, just live life little by little. Its not easy but you can and you must. You mention that you have a life long illness don’t let that get you down, deal with your issues, don’t bury it. Remember your child and your husband love you ok. And lastly girl pray, it doesn’t have to be to God but just whispering you inner dark secrets and concerns in the air can do so much. So try that ok. Much love Nema A.
I have been where you are. I have a boyfriend who is really hot, and I never used to feel I was beautiful at all. So, here is what I did. I went to a nice salon, and got a gorgeous haircut, my eyebrows tweaked, and my mani and pedi. Then , I went home, and did my make up beautifully and put on a nice outfit. Then I took my pictures to go online for my dating service. I know it is hard sometimes, but, girl, go Fifty Shades on him if you have to. Tie him up, spank him. He might like it!! Remember that you are a wonderful woman. Heck, you have given birth. He should worship you just for that. I will check back so let me know what you have done, okay??
Remember bigger women are better because there is more to love!😃❤️️
Thank you for your response, April.
Awww I really loved this! Weight loss is definitely my goal personally but in the middle of it I’ve lost a lot of confidence due to skin issues and I’d really love to regain confidence. I’d love to take a burlesque class! ^_^
Yeah girl! You deserve to feel confident.
it is so hard sometimes to accept compliments from your man when you are overweight. The man I did have in my life I had to ask him if I looked nice, he only kissed me on the cheek like I was his mother. He never ever made me feel like a woman at all. The man I am with now is constantly telling me I’m hot and beautiful and sexy and its so hard to believe what he says because the other person made me feel so low about myself. I so wish I could conquer this
You can absolutely conquer this. That man who kissed you on the cheek is a selfish asshole who has a lot of shit to work through on his own. The man you’re with now knows what’s up, and now you just have to realize he’s telling the truth! You ARE Hot and beautiful and sexy. You have to work on building your self-esteem and confidence to match his love for you.
I found this article by typing into Google “Can I still be confident even though I’m fat?” I have been facing an increasing struggle to maintain any sort of confidence. I went from a size 12 to a size 16 in college, and now I’m borderline size 18 a year later. I used to get more attention from men (and even women) when I was skinnier. Now I never get approached. I can’t even feel relaxed when I’m talking to an attractive man because I’m constantly thinking “He’s thinking about how ugly I am.”
The past few times I’ve tried to meet men, it’s turned out badly in various ways. I managed to summon the courage to ask this nice coworker of mine out for coffee, and once he learned I was interested in him, he said he couldn’t go out with me; he just didn’t feel that way. I was so crushed; it was the final straw in a string of rejections. I know deep down it’s simply because I’m chubby. If I were skinny he would have said yes.
After about six months of nothing, I met a guy a few days ago. He is single and works in my organization, but not so closely that it wouldn’t be allowed. We got to talk for a good thirty minutes when I met him; he was doing most of the talking and he seemed to enjoy the conversation. It’s so hard not to be hopeful that I’ll get to see him again and maybe talk more, but how could he ever like me? I don’t want to even raise my hopes. I’m not unhealthy; I can hike and I have lots of energy, but I’m carrying all this fat. I just don’t have any self-confidence when I know he can see how chubby I am and he’s probably disgusted. I have heard several men talk about fat girls in cruel ways, so that’s why I assume every man secretly thinks that when they’re looking at me.
I really only commented to get this off my chest. I haven’t told anyone how bad my self-esteem has gotten, not even my best friend. It feels a little better to say it all. I just wish I could look at myself and feel beautiful. I’m so tired of being alone and unwanted. It’s hard when I have to see all my friends entering relationships and getting married, and here I am still terribly alone.
I can promise you that as you self-confidence and esteem grows, so will your attention from men. People are attracted to confidence, they are not attracted to low self-esteem. I weigh a LOT and I get hit on every day because I have a ton of confidence and don’t let my weight, size, or body in general affect my mood or define who I am as a person. That’s your goal! You have to learn to love your body and boost your self-esteem and as you do that, you will start to see that being alone is not an eternal sentence. It’s here right now so you can learn to get to know and love yourself (and your body) before you move onto a relationship. (You can also check out my Body Positivity e-course).
Autumn darling google datung sites for bbw (big beautiful women) not to join them exactly but so you can see that there are guys out there that only want curvy chubby or even fat women. I had a partner who said the worst things to me about my weight and i ballooned from comfort eating to a size 22/24 from the 12/14 i was when we met.
My biggest mistake was that i believed i was repulsive because that’s what he told me. Forward wind and that relationship ended and i felt so low. I had never attracted a guy at my size so how the hell would i?
I worked in a shop and wow did i get attention and lots of sexual offers, some of which i am not ashamed to say i took. I met guys who couldn’t keep their hands off me, and would tell me i was beautiful and sexy and to my amazement wanted to see me again after they had the full naked view.
I realised that despite having no confidence in how i looked, i was confident in who i am and what i have to offer and that was what attracted all the guys and still does.
Hunny you are unlike any person on this planet, you are big and you are beautiul you have to own it, be sexy….get that mirror out a keep staring until you see it, because if you hide behind weight, you are depriving a whole lot of guys a whole lot of lovin!
Came across this when searching Google for ‘too fat to be sexy’. I’m 32, married with 2 kids and have always been on the large side. I find it so so hard to even feel attractive. My husband says I am beautiful but usually only when I feel down about myself. All my ex’s have cheated on me and my last ex would always say no one would ever want me as I was too fat. I have even had men say to me after a long chat that I am nothing to look at but my personality is good.
I have tried sexy underwear and stuff and still feel like crap, esp when my husband just looks at me and does nothing where he used to jump straight on me lol. Don’t know how to get my head out of this self loathing when no one else can see past my fat and face
Your ex is an idiot, but more importantly an asshole (and an insecure one). So are the other people who have told you that you are “nothing to look at”. I have a feeling you’re surrounding yourself with the super wrong people. They all sound judgmental as hell, and you don’t deserve that kind of negativity in your life. There’s so much that goes into body positivity and a lot of it starts with loving who you are regardless of physical appearance, and then it begins to reflect that love onto how you see yourself in the mirror. Then that confidence radiates off of you and no one worries about what you look like. The reality is you’re preoccupied with your body/aesthetic, and that affects your self-esteem and every aspect of how you interact with other people and how you carry yourself. I’d love to help you out with life coaching or have you check out my e-course on body positivity. Let me know if you’re interested — send me an e-mail! 🙂 <3 Sending love and glitter.
I’ve been trying so hard to change my old programming for my sanity and my well being that I stumbled upon this site. This is eternally long but I have so much on my chest and nowhere to take it so all I can do is throw it to the World Wide Web and hope for a bump in the right direction or
an additional attack of negativity. I’ve always been taught that being positive about myself or anything in general was being naive and it’s gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. Don’t get your hopes up was the answer to every inquiry. That people who thought they were pretty were full of themselves. So I have a deep engrained fear that to think of myself even a little kindly is to be narcissistic. It has always gotten me into trouble but I just don’t know how to simply “change my thinking”. I’ve tried the makeovers and the mantras and the pretty underwear and the counseling and positive people but it’s just no go. Being naked I even go as far as thinking” My poor pets have to see this.” As if they care! I can’t seem to accept myself even being a kind of pretty woman or even a person with feelings on my worst days, just a work horse. Practical and strong. Now I’m married and treated like a princess and it freaks me out. I grew up being called Wide Load and Fat Girl even when I wasn’t that heavy; then on to uglier and meaner things that come with lack of guidance like physical and heavy emotional abuse from a few boyfriends that to this day I feel responsible for because of my negativity driving them towards hurting me. Ive been ridiculed for dressing too “intimidating” or “like a man or a dyke” even though I like to feminine touch all my stuff and the only manly thing I wear is logger workboots with pink laces. I always thought I simply dressed practical for my lifestyle. No one wants mascara burning their eyeballs when its 110 out no matter how it brings out your features. Now I don’t even know where my jewelry is and rarely remember makeup. Heaven forbid I tell anyone what I did for a living without being put in the man-hating-over-the-top-feminist or hardcore lesbian category which are both degrading on its own sense when you just want to feel strong, pretty and womanly and instead get stuck in another category. Everyone always has to have to have a classification now. (I have nothing against gay people but no one likes to be grouped in by assumption with no attempt to get to know the person first.) Being able to keep up in a man’s job was desirable- that’s what they pounded in our heads as girls however they left out the part about how you’d be judged. Especially when you are very good at it. And the men in the dating pool would just go “you’re good enough to sleep with but not to date long term.” “You all feel the same with the lights off” “a woman trucker? That’s creepy!” and the men you worked with or were interested in just think you’re a good buddy and the women you wish you could befriend either hate you because you chit chat with men, think you’re gay or just a truck number. It is always a good jab at my size, style and job. Too fat, too ugly, too manly. Disregard the feminine aspects and all the flowery froofroo stuff we can’t see past the grease on your hands or the fact you own a (hot pink) tool box!! It seems the whole line about men liking mechanical women who like to fish and get dirty while still maintaining their charm is a myth unless you’re a Daisy Duke wearing inflatable bimbo that squeals when she touches dirt with her manicure and loves to get wasted every weekend. Being friendzoned as a woman is a horrible feeling. Just as being on a date and hearing your bf tell his buddy he wants to bang the hot blond at the bar reminds you what you really are- utilitarian. Maybe someone reading this has been there. I grew up on a farm-Vogue in one hand and a shovel in the other. Feed cows at 4 plucK eyebrows at 8. It is an awkward place to come from- you can put on heels and a skirt and STILL have someone say “I bet you’re a farm girl, you have big shoulders and a stocky build!” Thank you! I feel so pretty now! A plow horse with a braided mane perhaps? Now I’ve got the greatest husband who always builds me up and he’s so frustrated I find myself so plain and dull that I feel even worse and the circle of negativity continues. He just doesn’t understand and thinks my believing im not attractive enough for him is his fault for losing a lot of weight. He thinks he needs to be “ugly” as he puts it to make me feel better and it’s the furthest from the truth. I thought he was sexy when he was heavy. I’m so proud of him for coming so close to his goal and it hurts me to hear him say that just as I’m sure my saying I’m frumpy and plump hurts him. So we are both in the mud. My husband was 600 lbs before I met him due to a horrible marriage and a sedentary job. We were both at 400 lbs when we met and with me gaining and him losing. He helped me figure out what was causing my weight gain and medical problems and now we’re both down to 275 without starving or setting foot in a gym. I am a homemaker now by joint decision so I could concentrate on my health. With his help I’ve beaten the 200+ lb weight gain and even a debilitating neck injury that cost me my job but I still feel awful inside. I’m so self conscious even working in my yard near the street makes me anxious. Being in public , even just my front porch or taking my dog out, is just constant clothes tugging and sometimes I’ll wear a hoodie or jacket when it’s hot just to cover my leftover armpit blubber. I feel misshapen like a wet bag of dough. I only use the mirror vaguely to kinda check my hair but my skin crawls if I try to see myself as a whole. I can see by my clothes how far I’ve come but I just can’t give myself credit. I hated myself big but I still can’t compliment myself on my progress. My husband always tells me how good I look but compliments have always been given to me in sarcasm or as little fake “treats” so I just automatically go yeah whatever and it hurts him. I wish I was simply compliment fishing but it’s like in my head being told I’m beautiful is a back handed compliment. I tried to dress sexy the other day and thought Dear God I look stupid! I have a whole box of lingerie I never wear because I look like a lacy bratwurst in it. I live nowhere near a location that promotes things like burlesque even though I’ve had a secret fascination for it but never felt feminine enough to deserve to persue it. I would love to learn dancing but again-no availability within a couple hours drive and at home I have a constant fear of being caught prancing and jumping my big sweaty ass around like an idiot. He used to dance and won’t teach me. Am I destined to be permanently negative even though I want to overcome this? How can you change self hating especially when you have never particularly cared about others think, it’s mostly just yourself pushing you down? Can we get out of this dumb you think you’re ugly so I must be too stalemate? Have I been categorized into a box so long that I will always force myself to stay that way because it’s easier than explaining a behavior that isn’t “just like me”? I know I’m the only one who can change it but how do I even begin? I don’t want to become a turd in the punch bowl like my mother is. Always pushing herself and others down. How can I be a different standard of beautiful in a working man’s world? Maybe I just need another drawer of cute undies. :/
When you overhear your husband and his best buddie making rude sarcastic comments about a woman who is by todays beauty standards overweight, that she should hide in a closet vs showing up in a bustier, and you just KNOW, you look worse, i can’t get that out of my head. That was 3 years ago….we have had sex maybe 5 times since then….its wham bam thank you mam, and he can’t even touch my fat tummy. I told him that i would love to shower with him, just can’t get myself to let him shower with me….it is so depressing. I am not dating, i am married to a man who outright hates fat women…i was lithe and buxom when we married. I have lost all hope and desire.
I came across this website when I typed in how to feel sexy while fat.
I’m your typical overweight teenager and I have been struggling lately with my self confidence. I’ve never been skinny but I really started getting fat when my family was going through some tough times.And it’s around this period I met a really cute guy in my evening lessons who asked me out. I mean I know I’m not the prettiest in the room so I’m really finding a hard time understanding why he’ll ask me out.
Okay so I’m turning 16 next October which is only 7 months away, (with School it seems to go by SUPER quickly) so before I know it I’ll be 16 and right now I’m totally bummed out about my looks. I’m not interested in looking pretty for anyone but myself so I just want to feel comfortable or “sexy” for myself ya’know? I’m not super overweight (148 lbs and ~5’1 in height) but all of my friends are like sticks, and I have a bit of a belly. Luckily I can hide it really well so my friends don’t believe me when I tell them my weight, but I’ve been super self conscious about my stomach for many years (since I was about 9 years old) and I want to boost my confidence, SO thank you, I really really liked this article! 🙂 — just felt like sharing my opinion! ^-^
I’m married to a woman that would probably be considered a BBW. She was never skinny when we started dating but she has gained probably about 80lbs since we met. I find her sexier than ever now even though she weighs 250lbs. I tell her all the time how sexy and beautiful she is and say that she’s gotten sexier and more beautiful. She turns down my compliments and fights then back. Sometimes she says things like “you’re just a chubby chaser” or “you’re just into fat girls”…and while I’d love to fully own it, I know that all she would hear is that I too think she’s the “fat cow” (her own words) that she thinks she is.
It’s so sad because a big girl with confidence is gorgeous and sexy but she won’t allow herself to embrace herself.