This year marks the 10th and 15th anniversaries of high school graduation for my best friend and my boyfriend, and because of that I’ve been thinking (and talking) a lot about the reunions that coincide with these milestones.
Besides the delight I get from watching Romy and Michelle reciting the formula for Post-It Note adhesive and dancing ever so poetically to Cyndi Lauper, I’ve never had the desire to attend a high school reunion. And that includes when I was writing nostalgia-filled novels in my classmates yearbooks that last week at Old Mill High. I remembered people jokingly saying things like, “See you at the reunion!”, and I just smiled and laughed. I wouldn’t be RSVPing “yes” to that.
Three reasons why I will never go to my high school reunion:
1. Despite high school being a drastically different experience for all of us, we need to move on afterwards.
Some people can’t look back on high school without feeling twinges of pain and embarrassment. Some people, for a lack of a better term “peaked” in high school, and want to visit that time again. It doesn’t matter what your opinion of those four years was, you’re an adult now, and it’s time to move on. What happened there definitely did shape you as a human, but it doesn’t define you. I’m going to take the experiences I gained and learned from as a teenager and apply them to life as I already do. There’s no need for us to take a step backward.
2. I’ve had the opportunity (for years) to see these people I’m claiming to miss.
It’s likely you’re not terribly close with many people from high school over ten years later.Out of my good friends, only three of them are from that time in my life, and I’ve even lost touch with people I became friends with in college. I’ve defined myself more and have met people with similar interests since then. I’ve expanded my social circle based on commonalities over the years, and I don’t need to feel like I need to reconnect with someone just because I lived within the same district as them when I was growing up.
(I considered the argument that there might be someone who fell off the map after high school. Maybe it’s someone you always wanted to say something to or just miss like crazy and haven’t been able to find them despite your efforts. Well, guess what? They probably wouldn’t come to a reunion.
And let’s not forget that even though you might get to see someone you really do like and fell out of touch with, there’s going to be dozens more people there you couldn’t even stand then.)
3. Facebook exists.
The main reasons people go to reunions are to A) Find out what people are up to (so you can judge them or just generally be nosy) and B) Brag about what you’re doing now. Well, here’s the deal: Facebook exists now. It’s been a thing for a while now, and it’s the ultimate tool for stalking and oversharing. Use that social media site to boast about your kids, new house, or fancy job. Use it to laugh at your ex’s new girlfriend’s haircut, or make baseless accusations about the frivilous spending of the former prom queen. Do it from the comfort of your living room in slippers instead of at a rented hall in uncomfortable spanks.
Ultimately, remember the excitement you experienced after graduating (or dropping out). Hold onto that. Be your best adult self. The teenage version of you helped make you, but she’s back there now. Now it’s time to go dance under the stars.
Questions for the comments:
Agree? Disagree? Tell me why or why you wouldn’t go to one of your high school reunions!
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I’m not longer close friends with people I went to in high school. My last good friend ditched me for God only knows why, and until recently, I just didn’t talk to anyone regularly. When I saw pictures from my class’s reunion, I noticed that I rally had no desire to actually talk to those people. Maybe it’ll change in another ten years, but I highly doubt it.
Haha, I just realized that’s another good point. You can see the pictures *of the event* online! Oh, man.
From the time I arrived at my new school in a née town in 3rd grade until graduation no one accepted me, no one tried to befriend me and the bullies were abundant which I stood up to…even to defend others. I Grady, joined the Marines and went to Vietnam as a special forces Recon Marine. Now retired afty32 years, own 3 successful businesses a d moved on. I will never speak to anyone who was in my class and have requested number be taken off the reunion list.
Is am so happy with my life and don’t miss any of them. My goal is to outlive all of them then have my own reunion with myself and drink a toast to all those losers.
I agree. I grew up in a very, very wealthy town where most of the students were extremely rich and extremely judge mental, self absorbed and cruel…. especially the girls. If you were not one of the ultra wealthy you were looked down upon. I did have friends in high school (mostly the non wealthy crew) yet from the day I graduated I literally had no desire ever to see these people again. No bitterness, I just couldn’t care less about people you are forced to be with due to the town you live in and the school you are forced to attend. Once you get out into the real world you finally have a choice as to who you can socialize with…thankfully! Who wants to revisit this time in their life? It was a negative for most and such an awkward time. I have ZERO desire and ZERO interest in seeing those people ever again and am always bewildered why anyone would chose to revisit this time in their life.
I didn’t go to my high school reunion because I just didn’t and still don’t give a fuck what any of those people are doing. hah! And like you said, I can easily look on Facebook if I felt like it.
Hahha, agreed 100%
I completely agree with you on this. Thanks to Facebook I can easily catch up on what’s going on with these people’s lives. I also am not close with many of them anymore, only 2 of my gfs have stuck with me these past years. It’ll be 10 yrs for me in a few more yrs. I doubt there will be any sort of organizing for this reunion. I mean, how does one or a group of people plan this kind of stuff anyway? My sister didn’t go to her’s because she could care less about it.
Yeah! I have a few close friends who I’ve known since high school and it’s really awesome to know that we’ve stuck together this long (they say that if a friendship or relationship in general lasts 7 years, it’s likely to go the distance). But that doesn’t mean I want to go hang out awkwardly with all the people I didn’t keep in touch with! Haha.
I was a three year grad, and I too graduated in 2006 (if I read correctly?) but I´d like to go to mine.. but to the 2007/17 one idk how that works… and living abroad I don´t really see that happening.
Yep, I graduated in 2006. I’m honestly not sure how any of it works, either. I definitely don’t know how it worked pre-Facebook! How did the organizers obtain contact information?!
With my high school reunion coming up, I was wondering if there was already a blog somewhere out there that listed the reasons why I kind of don’t want to go to mine. Stumbled on this one and you nailed it; literally the same reasons I listed in my head.
A reunion sounds great when we get caught up in the nostalgia but when you stop to think about it, how many of these people have I bothered to keep in touch with in the last ten years (and vice versa)? Regardless of that, it wouldn’t be a problem to go anyway, but it’s true: most people go to these things to see how other people are doing and to brag about how well they’re doing. I can already tell through the Facebook group that was created to promote it. It’s very easy to get caught in that hype. At the end of the day it just feeds the ego. And who needs that negativity?
Exactly! Mine is 50 coming up – never been to one – I’m in a different state and town… Why? What am I expecting out of it? We are OLD. Keep moving on. Alot of the same people are in the same clique after all these years – they just want lots of people to come to honor Them. No. I hate small talk, and after a few memories with some people I do still know – that’s it. I’m done. P.S. I don’t want to see them all old, or have them see me old. I’ll remember them the way we were.
This is great. I too have a reunion coming up. I even looked for it realizing that is was the XXth year. Then I started to have the same thoughts I read here.
Did anyone keep in contact with me? No!
Did I do anything with these people after I left college and moved to a large city? 1-2 people and that’s it. That ended eons ago too.
Have I had anything to do with them since then? In xx years maybe 6 random occurrences. There are people I know now know that I have met in the last 10years I have done more with and knew me more.
These people did not support me at the time and much of what I was into. I would find out, in later years. They would get into what they put me down for and espouse ‘how great x is” Who needs to be around people like that?
As one person put it. “these are not positive, supportive people” So, why go back?
FB already allows you brag and snop. Do all of the icky things a reunion does.
So, No. I do not see myself going to any high school or college reunion. That was a period in my life. I am much different now and moved on. Many of those people have not, literally most have stayed there.
I do not like to brag. Unless, you have been in my life. How can I say I really care what has happened in yours. I just do not see any benefit. If I have missed something, let me know. I just see it as a win-lose. Not a win-win.
Yes! Totally agree. 🙂
I graduated from high school in 1973. Being the one who never fit in (ever), I went directly to the car after shedding my cap and gown. Then and there I vowed I would never see any of them again. And, for the most part, I have kept that promise. Good riddance to them all.
Tom you have guts way to go they are in the past and that is a great place for them.
I agree with Tom Clark! Stayed an extra year for technical school, got on a jet and left. I’ve been back in my home state for several years and realized it was not wise to ‘come home’. Looking to move elsewhere in the next year and I won’t be attending this year’s reunion. It is a definite milestone event but after all I’ve done in my life, it’s just more fuel for the gossip train for those who never left. I’ll be out of town that weekend and it won’t be my home town!
My 25 year reunion is a couple of years away. I skipped the 10 and 20 years, so I see no point in going to 25. lol I wasn’t very well-liked in high school (one could argue as to whether or not that has changed), and I’m alright with that. I didn’t care for most of my fellow classmates. In fact, I hated some of them. I had actually considered (for about 5 minutes) on going to my 20 year. Whoever was coordinating it was doing so through Facebook. When I saw their lameass playlist and that they were NOT going to have an open bar, I saw any reason for me attending walk right out the door. #HighSchoolSucked
Hahahah I love that the playlist was a deciding factor. Right on, Jeff. Screw high school reunions!
I graduated in 1986. I attended my 10th (had a good time) and attended my 20th (had a fairly good time), but I did not attend my 30th had passed this weekend. And after seeing the whole shebang on FaceBook I’m glad I skipped out on this one. It turned out that the attendance shrunk in the two subsequent reunions and fewer people could attend for numerous reasons: prior obligations, personal setbacks, job related, vacation or just plain indifference.
I think people attend reunions rarely for the sole purpose of “reuniting”. In fact I think rekindling old friendships ranks pretty low on priorities for these people. There are many more reasons why someone would go out of their way to see some people they were forced, by default, to sit in class with day in and day out.: 1. To regain or have a second chance at popularity. 2. To show off your hot wife and boast about your accomplishments. 3. To show how your looks have improved or held up. 4. Morbid curiosity. And on and on. I think it is often Narcissistic and people tend to be disingenuous. People will quickly form back into their own clicks. Old friends may even ignore one another out of spite or a group of guys will generally be compelled to display their immature, shallow, rude and asshole behavior. and if the new small attendance at your 30th reunion consists of a list you’re not particularly crazy about, you should forego the experience. You will always be curious about your past and connecting or observing those who saw you during your youth may provide some insight in to what they thought about you, but this doesn’t make them right. if their opinions are negative, they definitely didn’t know you to begin with. The only reason I would ever want to attend is to observe human nature and learn about people’s personalities whether they really grew intellectually, spiritually or morally.
I definitely agree, Judah. Thank you for taking the time to share all those thoughts!
Brilliant the reasons are the right ones if they wanted to connect the would not wait for a reunion. Once again the ego is at play. I look at my 50th and from comparing the others it was a bunch of old people who lost their zest. Once again thank you Judah.
Yep. I already see it happening on the fb group site where they are planning it – so no not going and I’ve already experienced negative feelings even thinking about it for a minute – I don’t need it – it will only do harm and reopen things I don’t want to reopen!!
Though I did enjoy some good things from high school, high school was more a burden. I was a socially awkward geek/loner in high school. I was bullied sometimes. None of the people in high school didn’t seem to care about me. I had very few friends. Was never invited to any parties with my peers. Everyone seemed to followed cliches, while I just did my own thing. I was happy when I graduated. Those are memories that I don’t want to relive.
I totally understand. Thanks for sharing!
My 25th class renion was last year and we had a class of 320 and only 110 showed up,lmao!O didn’t go because couldn’t stand the jocks,preppies,cheerleaders,popular kids in school.They didn’t say 2 words to me in school and from what i heard from a couple people that went said the reunion was fucking lame!!I didn’t give a fuck back than i don’t now!
Hahah fair enough!
My 30th class reunion is in a few days, and I’m happily not going. I really didn’t have a fun, memorable high school experience, had a few good friends, concentrated mostly on getting the best grades I could get, and moved on. It was a good school, but the vibe I felt was that it was a public school full of kids from richer families, and there were so many cliques, basically you’d see the same people in the yearbook photo’s for different clubs, etc. Even the reunion announcement showed pictures of our graduating class, but of course, they were pictures of the same people, who knew each other, yet our graduating class was pretty huge, about 500 students. The pictures were only those of the cheerleaders, student gov’t, I’d call them the ‘popular’ people, or the ones who appeared in the most yearbook photos. These are people that I mostly never talked to, they just seemed arrogant then, I don’t know, but I was always just comfortable hanging out with a small group of friends, who didn’t hang out with those other groups. You’re totally right that with Facebook, you can easily connect with long-lost classmates, friends. That’s exactly what I’ve done, FB has done a lot of the ‘reunioning’ that I wanted to do. 🙂
Yes, amen!
Except for the size of the high school, I could have written this same post. Completely agree. If these folks didn’t care for me during high school, and haven’t care enough to keep in touch during the subsequent decades, I don’t need to see them in an artificial environment.
High school was a very formative time. Most of us were between the ages of 13 & 19, and we all know so many things happened to our brains and bodies between those ages. By formative I mean, full of ****, : ) Its funny to say that because there were also great memories, especially if you played sports. Horrible experiences happen throughout life and are not limited to high school, but in high school we were (as one of my sociology professors in college would say) ‘becoming’. The praise we got felt like the world was smiling and the peer pressured/fueled negatives cut us so deeply. High school was so much more than an “education”.
That lame excuse might work on a Martian who didn’t know what high school was about “high school is for studying” when we know that is a very limited definition. We learned a lot in high school but throughout that time education was not our first priority, as a matter of fact our peers loomed over us in our thoughts even when we went home. Generally if you saw someone crying in high school it was for a social reason rather than their grades. Anyway, once we were fully unfettered from high school’s grasp, why revisit it?!
My 20th is being organized on social media as we speak, for 2017, and like someone above said, they are the same people who organized everything during high school. I’m in favor of having things organized, in favor of organizations….not in favor of organizers : ) Hope they have fun! I’m in a bigger and better world now.
If you are on the fence about going, let me help you with your curiosity bug, “No they didn’t change, except in that they just got older.”
You are so correct about high school being the past. There are and will be so many bigger and better things in the grown up adult world. For me, it really put the whole high school thing in the correct perspective.
Most everybody who has responded here has pretty well hit the nail on the head. It will be 37 years ago since I left high school, my memories of that place sink farther and farther down on the trash heap of history with each passing year and that hallowed institution became a smaller and smaller dot in my rear view mirror since. Occasionally I pass by, but feel no nostalgia, no longing for the good old days it is just another place. Left high school and grew up and beyond those days. There are far bigger and better things out there in life that put high school and the experiences into perspective very quickly.
I have never gone to a reunion, this ;year some are planning some sort of 50th anniversary celebration for the place, i am totally disinterested. I can see from facebook that some are still in the same cliques as they were 40 years ago. I do not think most of them ever grew beyond high school and are probably still in some teenage fantasy world. For those who managed to make life long friends from that time, great. But more than one or two, one must question exactly how far they have progressed.
Maybe return for the 5th anniversary if you have something to gloat about, 10 should be the last. Ties with the past need to be cut.
Thank you – same. They are planning our 50th. Blech!
I don’t need to see the old boyfriend that I have found out failed in everything he did.
Don’t need to see the cheerleaders who think they are all that – still. Really, they could care less about getting everyone to come, they just want more people to think they are still fabulous. It is depressing and why would I spend $1,000 for airfare, hotel, etc. so that I feel badly again. No. Not paying for That! ha ha
And never let your significant other go to his/her reunion without you. Some of those people are looking for something missing in their life/marriage and do not care who they will hurt. Going after a crush from high school is a desperate measure. But there are a lot of sad and desperate people out there.
I graduated high school some time in the early 80’s – and I don’t even recall the year because it’s all so trivial. I have never attended a high school graduation. I was a loner-type and had a hard time fitting in and had very few friends – but it is irrelevant whether you were a geek, loner, prom queen, jock or whatever because all that matters is who are as an adult. However, over years, I have realized that there are many people that I went to high school with that have not yet decided to leave high school behind. For example, I bumped into an old friend of mine at the mall, who was in charge of the 20th reunion at that time. She told me that two of the men (who were very popular young boys in our high school year) went to the 20th high school reunion, showed up in their 1980’s dayton boots and started kicking in a vending machine. While that is certainly delinquent high school behavior for two teenage boys, it is even more unacceptable and very alarming behavior for two grown men now in their mid-30’s. I bumped into another person about five years ago who I went to high school with and they said that high school was best time of their life – he owns a successful business, homeowner, married with two healthy teenage children. We are now in our early 50’s and high school was the best time of your life? It’s all so sad – it’s no wonder that I didn’t fit in with them in the first place. While I can understand the intrigue of going to a 10 year high school reunion, anything beyond that, I think people attend because they are unhappy with some aspect of their adult lives and think they can resolve it by reliving some aspect of the past – the very short time period in all of our lives when there were no real adult responsibilities to contend with. So rather than trying to take responsibility as an adult to resolve whatever is troubling them in the present as adults, they go back to the past to try to relive those happy carefree memories – but that doesn’t work because whatever problem or the internal conflict that they are trying to avoid will not get resolved because the reality is, time has marched on for everyone.
Finished high school in 1958. Once a month I and about 10 to 16 of my school friends get together for lunch.
Also some who graduated in 54, 55, 56, 57, 59, 60, etc. come to the lunch. Been doing for the last 15 plus years. Our high school coach who’s 94 comes one in a while. We tell old war stories on one another, talk sports, old friends, hobbies we have or had, the good times we had in school, and of course the ones who passed away or are ill. I’ve known a couple of my people from around the 4th grade.
Not a single person from my graduating class cared about me, and over half of them spent their time making me miserable. If I knew I would get an apology or two, then maybe. We all know that will never happen, however. They will probably spend their time at the reunion mocking those whom they bullied.
My 40th reunion is coming up in August. Knew nothing about it until my sister told me that she saw it mentioned on Facebook (she’s friends with some of my classmates). As of today, I still don’t have an official invite. That’s fine with me. I wouldn’t be heartbroken if it never came, though I expect it will. I haven’t seen most of those people since we went our separate ways, so I consider them to be total strangers. (The last classmate I saw was 20+ years ago, and that was just a chance meeting in a grocery store.) There is literally nothing to say to anyone that I haven’t seen in four decades. I was 18 then; I’m 58 now. No thanks. That’s not to say I was an outsider or disliked my classmates. Quite the contrary. But it was a lifetime ago and the vast majority were not even marginally close friends.
My sister ran into one of my high school friends a few years back. She said he wanted to get together, but I have no interest in rehashing old stories. I’ve moved on.
This is a great site, because I too do not want to take part in this stupid tradition. Over the course of this year, I started getting friend requests on Facebook from former classmates from my high school graduating class. I thought it was weird since I haven’t spoken to any of these people in 20 years. Then it dawned on me…my 20th high school reunion was this year. Shortly afterwards, I was put on a Facebook group for my 20th reunion. Great. Thanks. I’ll pass.
I was like many of you. I disliked my time in high school. For me, it was the worst 4 years of my life. I was only 1 of 5 minorities in a predominantly all-white, all-boys private school. I never really fit in and was mocked quite a bit. I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there. When I transitioned to my College life, I discovered more about myself and found more people like me that shared the same interests. I still talk to a few of those college friends today, not these sh*theads from 20 years ago in high school that I really don’t care about.
I apologize if I sound bitter. It’s cool if you loved high school. It’s fine if you didn’t. I just don’t need to go to a reunion to start a new friendship, catch up with past ones, and reminisce about the good times. I didn’t have good times. A true friend sticks around through the years. Sure, if I was liked in high school, I probably wouldn’t be ranting right now, but reunions aren’t for everyone.
I hope my former classmates have a good time. I have better things to do…like live in the present, enjoy the great life I created for myself, and look forward to the many opportunities that may come my way.
I was bullied, insulted and excluded during high school. I have no desire to see any of them.
I have been invited to my HS reunions since I logged on FB. Since then two guys got a hold of me…one of which was the best Man at my wedding. The first one called me up to see what I was up to, about my family and such… then after a few weeks he needed a place to stay due to hardships… I even bailed him out of jail for 100 bucks. I guess I was a sucker…after he made some inappropriate comments to my youngest daughter…I kicked him out. Then the Best Man called me…again hardship… I got him on my phone plan and footed the bill…after two years he needed a place to stay… yeah here we go with my open stupidity… after a few months and him stabbing himself in the hand.. ( a steak knife all the way to the hilt.)
I had to kick him out as well… Now my wife questions my judgement. He was trying to get me to go to my 20th reunion… but now I know why…so he can network a mooching system off that as well… I was very unpopular in HS but my heart is big on helping people out. But I’m sick and tired of being taken advantage of… I think going to a Reunion would simply expose me to more folks who would love to play me and take advantage of my generosity… screw that… nothing to go have fun with…just a bunch of jerky who need a punch in the nose.. but then I’d lose my concealed carry permit… yeah I’ll skip any future reunions… no sense getting angry all over again.
…I know from experience that women who are unhappy in their marriage go to functions like this to scope out potential relationship replacements regardless of who they hurt in the process. These women will feed former male classmates lies to make them think that their lives are not up to par, boost their egos by telling them how great they are, and start affairs that will wreck two families -hers and his.
Wives, if you value your marriage, do not let your husbands to go without you. If he thinks he needs or wants to go, go with him, whether you know anyone or not. Facebook is another outlet for these unhappy women to find men who they can manipulate. We no longer have Facebook accounts, for this reason.
This is also true for men. It’s a two way street, people.
The only good part of my HS years was learning how to drive a car, and my graduation day. None of my so-called friends were there for me after graduation, in the “real world”. Only one reached out to me for dinner. I have grown so far apart from my classmates, they are strangers now. A reunion would just be too awkward for me.
First let me say you look very similar to my late cousin. She was like my sister and brought me and my spouse together on a blind date. My cousin was tormented in high school and didn’t have a very pleasant experience. I didn’t have a pleasant experience either. I was a loner, hated school, and hated 99% of the people there. I was bullied during my freshman year but after I bloodied a Senior on the wrestling teams nose the bullying stopped. Still, classmates were a bunch of fucks for the most part. Most of the friends I had in high school are dead (drug related, cancer, suicide) and the rest were not in my class. The only benefit I can think of by going is to watch an old score get settled by watching the star quarterback get knocked out. I can relate to so much of what you have written and others’ comments. I remember seeing several girls crying in high school because someone told them they were fat, ugly, or stupid. I could see their pain and it hurts me to see them down because of something some asshole said. I always tried to help those who were down and support them. It’s a shame none of my classmates had an compassion for others. I have skipped every reunion mainly because I don’t care to see any of those classmates. Facebook makes it easy to catch up what you “missed” and then you quickly learn you didn’t miss anything by not going. That has been my experience. When a former classmate reached out to me for the 20th reunion I shutdown my FB page. My life is much more peaceful and serene after shutting it down. I don’t need to be reminded how shitty those times were. Luckily for me, I didn’t peak in high school like many of them did. I peaked when I went to college and beyond. May peace and happiness be with you.
I heard a saying once: “People may not remember what you say, but they will always remember how you made them feel.” I attended a small school and graduated in a class of a whopping 36 people. The small numbers glaringly made painful social divisions. I had no roots, looks, money, or athletic ability which landed me in the invisible category, along with a few fellow invisible friends. I guess I was lucky though. I experienced occasional bullying, teasing and name calling-some people were mercilessly tormented every day. I had no idea how damaged my self-worth was until I entered the real world. I couldn’t believe people liked me for me, that my efforts really did matter, that I had some sort of purpose for being alive. I was invited to the 25 year reunion on Facebook. I politely declined. There were a few, kind people who showed interest in attending, but it was the in-crowd, the town gossips, the people who had never left the bubble, who seemed most excited about a reunion. The people I’m most relieved to be away from. The Bible tells how the people of Israel were freed from slavery in Egypt, only later to reminisce and wish to return to the very place that held them captive. I decided long ago to move forward and not take pictures of “Egypt” with me. There is too much to look forward to now than to drive watching the rear view mirror.
My 25th reunion just came and went. The 10th and 20th reunions looked pitiful but this one was the worst in attendance judging by the facebook pictures. Out of a class of 350 people only 47 attended lol. I am on my class’s FB page and only 189 subscribe to that. I noticed the same jerks I used to hate are still the same old people just with wrinkles now. It is kind of gratifying in a way to see that the snobby girls who ignored me haven’t aged well. I was a loner in High School and was bullied and ridiculed constantly so obviously I have no reason to see these people who think it’s still the early 1990s. I hope they have fun and maybe someday one or two of them might wake up and join the real world.
Never liked the school and wanted to go to a private school. My last year I did. I only wish I left the system a lot sooner. So to sum up if I went to a good private school I would have definitely gone. Lets face it I went to a public school created because the town allowed a development. Not exactly Eaton or Harrow.
Just got an invite to 40th reunion. I’m 58. HS was 4 years, ~6% of my life, that occurred in the first 1/3 of my life and everyone else’s that will attend. They were young and stupid. So was I, most likely. There was good and bad. We are strangers. They went their way; I went mine. Straight lines that were never meant to intersect again. All the Best.
Well, mine is coming up in a few weeks. I went to all of mine. I graduated 1992. This time it seems a lot are not going because they have to spend Thanksgiving with their families. Some don’t go because of other reasons like some of the comments above. They just want to bury the past and forget their classmates. A bunch live so far away in other states. I’m from eastern PA. Some are in Florida, North Carolina, and some are in other towns in my own state. The guest list this time has fewer yes’s than last time and last time was a bit smaller than the one before that. Looks like only 20-25 out of a few hundred will be there. Last time was around 30-35 and before that 40-45. There were some at the 15th reunion that didn’t come to the 20th and aren’t coming to this one. Yeah, there’s facebook, but what about if someone never accepted your friend request or took the add friend away at some point after I sent a request? A few did that. I sent them messages, but no reply. Guess I’ll have to hunt down their phone numbers and call them. If they didn’t want to be my fb friend, I would like to know why. If they were your friend they won’t ignore you. If they do ignore you, then it’s painfully obvious that they really don’t want to associate with you.
my 60th high school reunion will be this coming summer (2018) but on the last reunion I attended I found some of my old classmates seems to be somewhat jealous of my achievements of which I am proud of. I went on to attend 4 universities, worked as a computer analysis then as a system analysis, taught 5 graduate courses and 4 undergraduate courses in Mathematics and Statistics in night school, had 3 children that went on to higher education and are gainfully employed as an airline pilot, a nurse, and a electronic technician. I came from a very rural Iowa background where most of the people I graduated with have done very little with their lives – they are farmers or common laborers. I do not fit in with that crowd at all. In fact, a couple of them put me down with some story that was untrue of my high school days. Since I have not been in contact with any of them except a neighbor girl I went to school with for years, I have decided to stay away for this union and never return. Will continue to go forward and leave the past behind as well as those to whom I owe nothing.
Thanks for this blog! My 25th reunion is coming up. I attended an only girls HS and although I was popular because I was one of the bright ones, I have not remaibed close with any of them, maybe 3-4 over the years. I am very different now, a scientist, divorced and with a kid with special needs…so I now feel even more like a misfit. They are planning a trip to Cancun. I tried my best to think positively about it (I could maybe go for a shark dive or something), but my “best” friend from those years did not want to share the room with me and I asked around with no replies…so I decided to skip it, and save the money to go to India. I also quit the WhatsApp group. Today they contacted me because “you can’t miss it!!!”, and now surprisingly there is extra space in my friend’s room…and the put me back in the WhatsApp group….but I really don’t want to go. So thanks for writing this! Life changes and HS was nice but it is the past!
School wasn’t a good experience for me, I never kept in touch with anyone, even though my parents still live in my old hometown. I never understood why I was treated so bad. I did go on to the Army getting 2 honorable discharges! And a degree! I’m very lucky High School didn’t destroy me. There is no one there I want to see.
I don’t like going because after 50 plus years it reminds that time is running out and in 10 or 15 years there will be no reunions and it’s over
Some of them seem like happy people but they look old act old and are retired
I’m not retired because after you retire you just die and fihe bulk of your retirement time is bull shit senior citizen crap and Dr appointments
Quit complaining about this bull shit and do something with your lives today and savor each day because time will run out for you someday too !
Get on with life
As others have noted, those who peaked in HS still value that time and the milestones later, including the little cliques that made life unpleasant for the rest of us. I have had an amazing life and traveled far beyond them both intellectually and financially. At a friend’s behest I went to a 40th reunion in 2008, held in my small midwestern town. What a mistake! Someone I knew from age 7 was drunk and offensive to me solely because she hired my niece to do her hair, ergo, that made me a peon!? Others were pleasant enough but overall I knew I had moved on and their uneventful and mundane lives and attitudes were of no interest whatsoever to me. It was also like a bad flashback to the time in 8th grade when I was blackballed as a cheerleader (something I cared little about to begin with, and was surprised to be chosen for) by a girl who hated my sister. After the reunion, I vowed to never return. My friend again begged me to attend the 50th last week, and I refused. I’m so glad, looking at the same tired little clique now old and fat and boring as ever. I didn’t miss a thing! I live in the now, with those who I value now.
My 10-year high school reunion is coming up next year. I can’t go since I moved 5200 miles away (I was born and raised in Europe) but even if I could, I wouldn’t. I have never really cared about my classmates not even while I was actually going to high school. I didn’t keep in touch with anyone from my high school class and I don’t plan on attending high school reunions in the future either. It would be just a waste of $$$ to fly halfway across the world for a bunch of people I have nothing in common with.
So many negative people here. I had a mediocre time in HS…no specific instances stand out…but I do look back fondly on that time of my life…I remember where I lived, the people that were around…I’ll admit there is nostalgia for a “simpler” time but I don’t think theres anything wrong with that.
A guy from my highschool passed away about a year ago. A big group of us got together at his funeral and went out for food before we went to the “celebration of life” at his parents’ house. It was a sad moment but fantastic to see people again. I think the point of a reunion is to get a specific group of people together. Yes, I see some of them around town, yes I can “stalk” some on facebook (anyone who argues that facebook should suffice in any social situation needs to get off their damn computer and go outside…) But there is a great dynamic to having a certain group of people together. You get a group of 3 or 4 people together it is different than just one on one.
If you don’t want to go, don’t go. This isn’t necessarily an argument that reunions are the best things ever. I went to my 10 year reunion. I plan on going to my 20. I look at it as a celebration of where I was, where I am, and where I’m going. With a group of people that WERE there for one of the weirdest parts of our lives. I like to see where they are, how they’ve changed, how I’ve changed. Sure, we could facebook message, text once in awhile, maybe do a coffee date here and there…nothing wrong with this. I see these reunions as an excuse to get that particular group, as many as possible or are interested, together IN PERSON. Its fun.
I don’t go to “show people up” gatherings! Voluntariky chatting it up with people you were nevrr close to, to begon with, feels odd and insincere. One reunion, I got a neat momento for all classmatrs who attended as gift. One jerk more or less (with another attendee) laughed at me. I left with one thoight. “I’m not changing anyone here, might as well leave”! If I”m ever disrespected, I never speak to that person again. You can’t be bigger than you were in high school and looks were very important for guys and ladies. It wouldn’t matter if you go back as the Pope. The people who thought they were better than you then, think the same today! So, if you want to walk into a room with a bunch of old people, be my guest.
A group of people who barely admitted you existed, suddenly want you to attend their party? Translation, PAY FOR THEIR PARTY. You’re not changing any minds at a reunion. If you had limited or casusl relationships with classmates, it’s insincere and tacky pretending you were good buddies. It could improve your self esteem but it’s definitely a “compare notes” time. As if that somehow that makes them better than you! Truth is in life when it comes to wealth,”you either it or marry it”. They won’t admit but it’s true. You can’t be bigger at a reunion than you were in high school!
I was never popular in high school. I was often harassed and bullied. I spent most of my time alone because I was often shunned by my classmates. The guys picked on me and the girls were often stuck up and mean to me. I tried to fit in without much success. I tried to fit in with people who were not real friends to me. All of this gave me a real low self esteem of myself for many years. However, I went to my 10th, and 20th, and my 30th class reunions, hoping that things had changed from the past. Unfortunately I found out that they were basically the same classmates that they were before. I have been single all my life and I was hoping that maybe I could meet some girl that I went to school with that was either still single or divorced. I found out the hard way that they still had no interest in me at all. The last time I went they made fun of a woman who had been married and divorced the most times, and they made fun of me because I was still single. I was so insulted and embarrassed that I vowed never ever will I go back to another class reunion. I will never go back again even if they pay me to go back.
Unfortunately, my real friends in high school have passed away (cancer, heart attack, suicide. So I’m visiting the Cemetery in which they’re interred, just to say “Thank you for being there then.” The rest of my classmates can stay on FB chasing fake dreams…
in the last 35 years I’ve been to 2 reunions at my old UK secondary school, held 1 and 2 years respectively after I left in 1984.
At both reunions not one member of my class of ‘84 showed up, I had a chance meeting with the Deputy Headmaster from my old secondary school in 1994 but since then not one person from those 5 years (1979-1984) has ever been in touch.
For a time I tried the now deceased friends reunited website with the goal of being in touch with just one person from those 5 years, only one person from those 5 years was on there and whilst I did send 1 or 2 messages he never replied.
Now in my 50’s I often look at the photo album of pictures of my classmates back then, still with the same goal in mind and while time goes by I often wonder what ever became of them, four of my class of ‘84 were most certainly early adopters of the computers around back then so there’s still a chance nowadays they may be on sites like Facebook even now.
I’m grateful to the person who wrote this blog and it’s contributors in helping me make the decision to reestablish the goal I set myself all those years ago, just one person from the class of ‘84.
I appreciate the point of many on here is just to move on from those times for many different reasons, and I apologise if I’m missing the whole point of this blog authors intention, I too have many good and bad memories of those 5 years I spent with individuals who’s life chances were not great, 1.5 million UK youth unemployment and the low exam pass rate in 1984 being two of them.
Maybe I’m getting too over sentimental for a time long long gone for people who may now also just wish to, even once, have the same goal.
Just one person from the class of ‘84
I was never popular at all in high school. Always had false rumors spread about me and was often harassed and bullied. Someone talked me into go going to my 50th and I am sorry that I did. No one would talk to me except saying, “Hi” and walking away. I left early and wish I hadn’t gone. I still feel very hurt that people could be so mean when I was always nice to people.
My 10th year reunion is this year, but I have no plan in going. I’m still not ready to face my former classmates. I wasn’t particularly well-liked in high school and was often picked on. I’m not gonna pretend to be the victim. I’m not all that innocent in high school. I’m not a goody two shoes. I was just as much of an asshole as my classmates were/are. It all depends on HOW I look at high school. Before, I used to hold onto grudges for years on end. I used to let high school define who I am, and I used to let it affect me. Over the years, I’m learning to let go. There’s no point in dwelling on the past. What I do now is look back on my high school memories and either LAUGH at myself, or CRINGE at my old self. I was very awkward in high school and I’m still awkward now. Some people go to high school reunions to show off. Deep down, I do want a second shot at popularity and maybe I do want my old classmates to like me… but what’s the use? It’s best to move forward. I have somewhat moved on from my high school experience, and it’s better to not go back. I choose to leave the past behind me.
My family moved around a lot, by the time I was in high school we were living in a small town. I was tired of making new friends only to loose them on the next move. I didn’t try to make friends and as it turned out, my family didn’t move again. After high school I made some bad decisions, hung out with the wrong people and got in trouble. Turns out it was the best thing for me, as I changed my life and went to on to tech school. Knowing that if I failed tech school the only thing for me was more jail time. I worked hard and had some success in my life. I went to a 20yr reunion and last people knew of me was my past and the trouble I had been in. When they asked what I was doing now they appeared to be jealous of my success (I did not gloat) and they kept my past over my head. I learned yet again, you can’t escape your past. It doesn’t bother me about their attitude. There were a few (mostly women) who didn’t treat me this way, according to my wife I’m a good catch for a guy around there – I have a job, my hair and all my teeth. At least the wife has a good sense of humor. I did meet a girl who I went to school with who was battling cancer, as was I at the time. We talked about our battles and she passed away shortly afterwards. Talking to her was the best part of the reunion, as she was very positive. I don’t see a point in going back. Take any advice you can from this post
As for many others here, high school was a miserable period. I knew long before graduation I would never attend a reunion, why reminisce over something that was so awful? I never understood why I was shunned and mistreated, as I tried to be friendly and approachable. Probably because I was rather nerdy, with unconventional interests and tastes. But still, why be so deliberately mean? Oddly, it was the boys that harassed, girls just ignored me. So I mostly felt invisible.
I lost contact with my few friends from then, as I left hometown soon after graduation, and frequently moved to other states (during pre-internet days). Still, like Stephen above, I sometimes wondered how those friends fared.
Even if I went to any reunion, doubt I would recognize said friends, never mind the rest, even if they still looked like their high school selves, as my memory of that time has faded so much. I was so unplugged from the social scene I was not entirely sure even then who the jocks, cheerleaders, and popular kids were. I just knew I was always on the outside looking in.
Funny thing is, my older sister’s experience was apparently wonderful, as she maintained her high school friendships and was eager for reunions. My older brother’s was middling. And we all went to the same school. It still mystifies me why.
I graduated over 40 years ago. I nosed around Facebook and noticed that the same people are friends, and some are now friends with people that use to be my friends. There were the football players, cheerleaders, and sorority girls. I was not popular in high school. I can imagine if I went to one of these reunions or get togethers on Facebook. It would still be the same. It seems as if high school never ends.
Am probably the oldest to comment. Am soon to be 77, and very fortunate to be in great health, and still officiating
high school school, and jr. college sports. There is a 60th being planned for next year, and I was becoming curious. I’ve kept in touch with a few out of a large grad class of 690 students.
I read most of the posts here because I have grown adult children, and grandkids who are 21 and 19 years old. Am
interested in how people younger than me view a high school reunion. I was asking myself, “do I want to attend a ‘Depends Exchange,’ or ‘Wheelchair Rally,’ or simply converse with some people who still have similar views as they did 60 years ago. No, I do not. Reading the input of younger people at this site helped me see the light.
My 30 year reunion was this weekend. As I usually do when I am invited for my reunion, I did not go. They did the usual thing they did for reunions: having a float in the local parade that happens around that time and then meeting up for lunch/dinner afterwards. This year, they gathered at the local VFW. Looks like I didn’t miss much because not many people showed up. I found it comedic. What a difference 10 years make because at their 20th the float was full of people and the dinner that night was filled to capacity.
I never felt like I belonged in school since I was only in the area for 5 years. Why should I go back to a place that held bad memories for me. I am 2000 miles away from it anyway. I remember for my 25th, the organizer was begging for me to come and I told her to take me off her mailing list. She didn’t bug me this time around.
I had an anti-class reunion day. I went to work from 7-11, came home and worked out, watched Euros, and watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (which has become an anti-class reunion tradition for me since the anniversary of the release of the film usually lands on or around the class reunion). I felt content.
When I saw the pictures of the reunion, I laughed since hardly anyone was there. I was surprised not many people from the cheerleader clique (who many are still friends with each other and take an annual ‘girls trip’ each year) showed up either. I texted one of my friends from my high school days, who wasn’t planning on showing up either, and told her we didn’t miss much. She laughed at the photo I sent her of very few people on the float.
I don’t need a class reunion to define me. I know who I am. I have moved on.
The same stuck up people from my high school are still hanging around together on Facebook. They’ve even had their own reunions over the years and meet somewhere without going to our official reunion, still leaving out the rest of us. Do I want to go to my 50th? HELL NO!
I was worse than the outcast in school as I was treated as completely sub human. I’ve been out for 20 years now. I was invited to the first reunion but have not been invited since. I wouldn’t go if invited anyways. There would be no point as no bonds were every formed during through k-12 years.
Glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. I started and finished school in the same town, yet I was treated like an outsider, the black sheep of students. I was so happy when graduating that I would not have to see any of these people again. Over 20 years later, I still don’t miss or talk to any of them.
We keep having these reunions every few years with multiple graduating classes, (1975-1980), for example, and I am DONE. I do not understand why anyone would want to go to a reunion every 2-3 years. Enough already.
I never had any desire to go to any number of my high school reunions that were offered. I never saw the point. I was so excited to leave a place that I considered “a prison.” I called it “hillbilly high.” The teachers were horrific and the majority of my peers not much better than the teachers. A wasteful 4- yrs. For some though it may be just a curious and fun time to see how your fellow classmates turned out/ and or what they look like in appearance. I certainly do not share these curiosities. I am content with myself, achieved more than I ever expected and am quite successful in my
line of work.
Here’s the deal: I’ve been out of high school for over 50 years now, and l look at it this way: If I haven’t seen or kept up with this bunch of people for the last 50 plus years, I can easily go another 50 without seeing or speaking to them ever again. My life is now – and has been for decades – about a great many other things that are totally unrelated and unconnected to the four short years I spent in high school with people who would now be total strangers to me. End of story.
I had an awful time in high school. It seems insincere that these people suddenly want me to attend their catered roast with cash bar.
I never really developed bonds with any of them. I never spent time with anyone outside of high school. I tried but it never happened. I always felt like I was on the outside looking in. I have learned to process all of that through the years, but it still bothers me to a certain extent. I have a feeling I would be treated the same way after all this time. So, the only way to win, is not to play.
Hated HS, went to three reunions between 1988 and 2013, and decided that would be all. I’m in contact with everyone I care to stay in contact with both on and outside of Facebook. I also have several old classmates blocked on Facebook after a number of unprovoked, crass, low class social media attacks by them motivated by what they perceived to be my politics. And frankly almost none of the people I went to school with cared about, much less even liked me in HS- Hell, I couldn’t even get a break in the damn yearbook. The photographer had to have waited until they could get the most unflattering candid shot possible on the day and time I was most disheveled after, wearing old duds I changed into for a class where chemicals would ruin the decent clothes I’d worn from home.
Call my reasons petty and irrational if you like, but I never had a good time at any of the reunions I went to and I don’t see them getting any better.
My 25th reunion was this past weekend, I have long moved away and wasn’t going to pay $800 for a weekend trip just for a reunion. I was never really well liked in high school because I am legally blind, and actually got more respect from the class above me then my own.
Plus I find that need to be around and excuse the language the ass holes and pricks who thought they were all that and still probably do today, and really turned there backs on me during high school. Now I did attend my five year reunion but spent an hour, and left couldn’t stand all the talk of how great and flaunt the life they had.
Actually caught up with co workers and grabbed drinks and had a much better time. So come reunion time that will be a big pass.
High school consumed a mere four years of my life. That was it. I didn’t know a lot of people in high school but had a couple of friends that I long ago lost track of. I have long moved on and I have no desire to get together with a bunch of people I didn’t know decades ago and don’t care about what happened to them. High school reunions have never interested me in the least. How can I “reunion” with people I didn’t really know in the first place? The high school reunion is rather a pointless concept in my opinion.
20 year was last year. Wouldn’t have gone even if a gun was held to my head. I have no use for any of them. Haven’t even seen anyone I graduated with in well over a decade and that happened to be a chance encounter at a restaurant. I didn’t even know who they were nor did I care.
I won’t going either. Most of them did not associate with me or made fun of me and still donot speak when I see them.Not to mention that I have only recieved information 1 time in the 30 years I have been out of school.I am friends on facebook with one of the organizers.I had no knowledge of any fundraisers or events . The reunion is this year.a coworker told me about it at the last minute. money was due August 1.Some things are better left in the past.
It was basically the same experience for me as well back then. I was very un-popular and for the sake of social preservation I became the kid you dont associate with even though these people knew nothing about me. I ran into a few old class mates who did not like me at all back then and they were still trying the same BS over a decade later.
YEP CAN RELATE TO THAT NO MATTER HOW PRETTY OR BEAUTIFUL JERKS PERCEIVE ME NOW..(STILL THIN..STILL GETTING PROOFED) NO ONE EVEN REMEMBERED ME..BUT FOR 11 PEOPLE! I WAS UP FOR A HEAVY METAL VIDEO..ON THE COVER OF THE NEWSDAY FASHION SECTION..I AM NOT RUNNING AFTER ANYONE ANYMORE..OR DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET APPROVAL OR LIKES ON FB…I COULD LAUD IT..BE A NASTY BITCH AND INSULT PEOPLE..NAH! I DO NOT HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING!…AND I WILL SAVE THE HUNDRED DOLLARS!..MARRIED..NO KIDS…OUT OF PLACE WITH THE OTHERS…NOTHING IN COMMON..J.