The trunk of my car contains emergency supplies like confetti, sidewalk chalk, and window markers. I’d say I have to dump googly eyes out of my shoes before I slide into them once a week, and I spend a lot of time with balloons, in ball pits, and at arcades, but guess what? I don’t want kids.
People don’t believe me because of my interests. The assumption is that since I love kid-like activities, I must want to have kids. The assumption is that since I’m a woman, I must have maternal instincts. The assumption is that even though I’ve been positively certain of this decision all of my adult life, that I will change my mind because my uterus is going to start making some audible annoying ticking sound that will be silenced by nothing other than a fertilized egg.
It’s annoying and offensive to me that people can’t accept my decision. Not wanting children doesn’t devalue me as a woman or take away from my femininity, and just because you don’t understand my choice and opinion doesn’t mean you get to nag, judge, or ridicule me.
Three reasons why I don’t want kids:
I have no maternal instinct.
I held a baby for the first time this month, and you can see that documented in the photo. My immediate reaction is fear and confusion. Their tinyness creeps me out, I hate that they can do literally nothing for themselves, and I definitely don’t know anything about taking care of one.
I don’t want to pass on my genetic material.
Most of my mental illnesses are strongly linked to DNA, and I have no interest in subjecting another human to the hell I went through at my worst. If I was in some sort of position where I was forced to have a kid, I would definitely adopt. I also don’t want to contribute to the over-population issue we’ve got developing.
I have other things I want to do with my life.
It might sound selfish, and that’s fine. But I think it would be more selfish to have a kid to conform with society when I know I’d be a bad mother. The things I want to do in life are traveling to weird places, dancing on bridges, and getting so famous that people pay to fly me to their events just to do silly dances and twist balloon animals on stage. The goals I have for myself will be extremely easier to accomplish without the responsibility of another human hanging over me.
So yeah, I think I’d be a bad mom and that’s mostly just because I don’t want to be a mom… and it’s totally okay. I’m learning how to interact with kids slowly, so when you have kids we can still hang out, but you’re not going to convince me to stop taking my birth control.
Really, though, don’t ask people when they’re having kids. Whether a woman is gay or straight, in a relationship, single, married, or at the drug store buying fertility test sticks, it is none of your business whether someone wants kids. And I don’t think I’m the only one who hates going to family functions where the only questions you’re asked are about getting knocked up or married.
For now, I’m going to keep riding on carousels, tying balloons to my wrist, and buying candy in bulk. Sing your heartsong, darling, whether that’s out-doing the Octomom, having one kid, or utilizing your maternal instincts on fur babies. Just be you. Self love is also about self acceptance, which means loving myself despite my non-conforming decision and desire to not have children be a part of my life. Know that your choices are okay.
FYI – There are some seriously wonderful comments happening over on this post on Facebook. Check that out, too!
Photo Credit: 1) Dan Malouff 2) Charlotte Boyer
Baby Credit: Beatrix, baby of Meigh + Christina McNamee-Mahaffey
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