[Edit March 2018] I wrote this list in September 2014, and I wanted to check it out and see now that I’ve grown so much how different the “criteria” for dating me is. Turns out… like, not at all.  In terms of what’s important to me, it’s still the basics. It’s kind of cool to know that I know what I want and I think the longer you feel like you’re walking in a pair of shoes that feels comfortable, the easier it is to find your path (or partner).

How To Date Uncustomary

Dating is kind of crazy, but I also kind of love it. Online dating can be nerve-wracking, but I’ve actually had a pretty good set of experiences. Have there been horror stories? Uhm, absolutely. But I have a pretty good feel for people, so I end up having a good time.

The older I get, the less “high-maintenance” I become. It’s a result of knowing who I am and what I want. When I was sixteen, I thought it would be fun to make a “manual” on how to date me as a present to my then-boyfriend. It would be hilarious to see that now, because from what I can remember it was completely different to date me then than now. I had things in there like “If I don’t have full eye make-up, I’m not coming out of the house!” which is embarrassing and astounding. When it comes down to it, there are only three things to remember when dating me:

1) Don’t hit me.
2) Don’t berate me.
3) Don’t lie to me.

If you can follow those guidelines, we’ll be fine. This is assuming that I want to date you, though. It’s easy for me to give someone a second chance (i.e. a second date), but if you get to date three then you’re in. Also, I assume that if you don’t kiss me on the first date you don’t like me.

 It takes me a long time to be comfortable enough to sleep in front of someone. Sleeping is the most intimate (and vulnerable) activity to me.  I’m not super fancy. Please don’t make me go to high-class restaurants without expecting me to get sauce on my shirt or say something strange to our waiter.  I am one hundred percent sure that I do not want children.  I don’t use my college degree, and I don’t plan on it.  If you don’t ever want to hang out with my friends, that’s a dealbreaker ladies!

How To Date Uncustomary

Other Important Factors

1) Be able to make me laugh and have a similar sense of humor
2) Be okay with non-traditional gender roles
3) Don’t prohibit me from enjoying myself
4) Call me on my crap (because I’ll call you on yours)
5) Be passionate about music in some capacity, even if your preferences are opposite of mine
6) Understand and agree that sex is important
7) Be able to take it slow at first, emotionally
8) Enjoy nature, but prefer city environments to rural
9) Be able to accept and embrace The Weird
10) Be good at communicating, especially when we’re apart
11) Love animals
12) Not be religious

Bonus Points

1) Like to dance (with me)
2) Be able to cook/fix things
3) Have a beard
4) Have similar political beliefs on areas I find important (++ go to a protest with me!)
5) Make the first move
6) Not get turned off by glitter
7) Surprise me (kisses, single sunflowers, balloons)
8) Send me good morning texts
9) Enjoy traveling
10) Make plans instead of me always having to do it
11) Wear hats
12) Be dominant

Random Turn Offs

1) Wearing those weird webbed shoes and Crocs
2) Being too submissive
3) Badgering me about spending the night
4) Tasting strongly of mint, coffee, or cigarettes
5) Having an addiction
6) Liking The Big Bang Theory
7) Insisting on paying for everything
8) Insisting on always driving
9) Hating Halloween/not dressing up
10) Having shitty friends
11) Complaining about your life without trying to fix it
12) Looking at my phone

In addition to all of that, just know that I am magic and you will fall in love with me. 😉