It’s almost been a month since I turned thirty and had the most magical birthday party I could have ever asked for. I wanted to write up a little recap, share some photos, and explain a big part of the evening to those of you it didn’t make sense to. So here we go!
First of all, I was so happy with who was there. There were a handful of people who couldn’t make it because of Wickerman being on the same day and other extenuating circumstances, but I didn’t guilt invite anyone, and it turned out absolutely perfect. My friend group has morphed so much, and it’s so outstanding to be surrounded and supported by a bunch of the best type of weirdos ever in a way that weird has become the new norm. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
I wore a dress that was like iridescent feathers merged with scales, making it so I could truly live as a mermaid who could fly (my ultimate dream), and I had the best pimp birthday chalice ever (and finished my giant drink in it)!
We had more than enough food, less than enough forks, delicious cupcakes (by Leigh) and people got me the most beautiful, thoughtful, and hilarious gifts.
As I laid on my giant inflatable unicorn in my car port, with my bubble machine spewing a heavy stream of bubbles all around me, April descended down my stairs and began to make an announcement, introducing a special guest: Ben Franklin.
Now, here’s where pretty much everyone was confused. See, this joke was a huge throwback. We’re talking like 2013 or so. Back then, I went to this big mail art event where there was a Ben Franklin impersonator and I took some photos with him and got him to sign a blank postcard. I then filled in the message portion of the postcard with a romantic message “from Ben” to myself and mailed it to my address, pretending Ben was my lover. I made him a Facebook profile, made it so he and I were “in a relationship”, and every other day I would update Ben’s status with a famous Ben Franklin quote, but make it look like he was just saying it. On New Year’s Eve, I took a giant, almost poster-sized, $100 bill out with me and kissed it at midnight. I was deep into the joke. Ben and I even had a public break up when I started dating someone else. It was really elaborate.
So fast forward back to present day. I’m thirty-years-old and see Ben Franklin in my home. I jump up and rise to the occasion and stay in the bit way longer than necessary. I ask Ben where he’s been, I ask him about the syphilis, I ask him about the other girls in France. I dance with him while singing “I Will Always Love You” loudly and off key. I bring him inside so we can take too many photos with him at the photobooth.
He was an incredible sport. He drank out of a skull glass and told Stu to shut up. He made sexual innuendo jokes and went along for the ride.
By the end, I was in a hot mess of ugly happy tears. I truly couldn’t fathom what I had done to deserve such a beautiful gift, and such fantastic friends. I was over the moon.
I’m so grateful to everyone who came, celebrated, and got crazy with me. It was the best birthday I’ve ever had in my whole life.