It’s really important to make goals and go after our dreams. Sitting down to make a Bucket List and then actually crossing things off that list feels so good, but you know what else is just as important? Knowing what we don’t want! I actually have a Fucket List, AKA things I know I don’t want to do. In general, I’m a “I’ll try anything twice” kind of person, but it’s really liberating to know that there are certain things in life that just aren’t for you, and that doesn’t make you a prude or rigid, it means you know yourself.
Unfortunately, we don’t focus on what we don’t want often enough, for many reasons, including the idea that focusing on what we don’t want is “negative”. But it’s just as important! When you’re clear about what you do and don’t want, your life becomes a much clearer path. Everything in your life should be a “hell yes” or a “hell no”. It seems extreme, but it’s actually simple.
Before we get this clarity, what ends up happening is we end up tolerating things. To tolerate something, by definition, means to allow the existence of something you don’t like without interfering. How terrible is that? We just let things happen in our life that we don’t want and don’t do anything about it? Why are we doing that? It needs to change. Too many people are tolerating too many things.
Why Do People Tolerate Things?
- They haven’t gotten clear on what they don’t want in life
- They feel guilty or obligated to do something for someone else; AKA people-pleasing
- They have low self-esteem and don’t recognize we deserve better
- They are apathetic about their future
- They’re dealing with a mental illness, like depression
- They’re terrified of potential consequences of standing up for themselves
What Are People Tolerating?
We are tolerating everything all over the place! Think about all those reasons I listed that could be influencing your decision or lack of action to tolerate something you dislike in your life… that could affect any aspect of your life! But here are 15 examples:
- Toxic friends and/or family members (this includes people who just aren’t good for you right now, are unreliable, are energy vampires, etc.)
- Chronic procrastination
- Clutter and piles of things everywhere
- A job that causes dread, anxiety, stress, and fear
- Addictions/habits as crutch coping mechanisms
- Excuses from yourself or other people
- Poor communication from your significant other or anyone else
- A mechanism that needs to be fixed (appliance, car, etc.)
- Needing to be perfect all the time
- Negative self-talk
- Terrible commutes
- Feeling unhealthy in some way (wanting to eat better, cook more, exercise more, etc.)
- Not understanding something you think is important (finances, plumbing, science, etc.)
- Grudge holding/clinging onto the past
- Unsolved conflict with someone
So what are we going to do about it?
How To Stop Tolerating Things You Dislike
- The first step is definitely to identify the things in your life that you are tolerating. Sit down and make a list. Allow it to be as long as it needs to be. It can be 25 or more items long! That’s not complaining, it’s just a sign that a shift needs to happen.
- Identify which of the reasons I listed for why you might be allowing yourself to tolerate things is affecting you. It might be more than one, and it might be something I didn’t list. But it’s important before you actually take action that you figure out what has been holding you back all this time.
- Do some introspective work (journaling, meditating, tapping, etc.) on what has been holding you back. Do you need to work on building your self-esteem? Are you afraid of consequences? How can you start to put your fears and anxieties on paper and begin to work through them in your own way, at your own pace? (Check out my e-course “Relieve Anxiety”!)
- Now, identify at least two action steps you can take for each of the items you originally listed that you can take to make it better. If you’re tolerating a cluttered workspace, schedule a day that you can dedicate time to clean it. Google organization tips. Maybe treat yourself to some fancy storage systems.
- Rank the list, and prioritize a few that you really want to work on first. You can’t tackle everything at once, and that’s okay!
- Promote positivity as you work towards checking things off your list! Write down positive affirmations and stick them up around your house and office, repeat them out loud in the mirror while making eye contact with yourself! (See my post on Mirror Work 101!) — See below for positive affirmation ideas!
- Reward yourself with adding something that you do like to your life in place of eliminating the thing that you were tolerating.
- Continue practicing self-care, because cutting things out of your life, no matter how good it is for you, is emotionally taxing and takes a lot of energy! Hold space for yourself, ask for support if you need it, and take time to regroup after each one. Try keeping a log of each thing you work off your list, and journal about how you felt about it. You can write down the date, how you felt before and after, rank your anxiety, etc.
Positive Affirmations For Not Tolerating Things Anymore
- I am teaching people how to treat and love me with my own actions
- I stand up for myself because I am important
- It’s better to leave than to tolerate nonsense
- I refuse to tolerate anything that isn’t a ‘hell yes’
- Everything in my life is deliberately here because I love and choose it
- What I don’t want is just as important as what I do want
- I deserve the best future life has to offer me
- My life does not exist as an obligation to please others
- I am worthy of a delicious life full of things I am excited about
- I refuse to dread any part of my life
I hope this was helpful! I made a worksheet for my Uncustomary Babe Members that gets you started on journaling and planning out these very steps! AND I made a tapping/EFT training video on this subject! These are just some of the gazillion resources available to you as soon you as sign up, for just $5 a month! Check it out!
What are you tolerating?
Photos: Maura Housley