You may know me as Mary’s cat, but you’re about to get to know me even better. She’s finally letting me write on her blog. I’m really good at typing, but they only let humans and asshole robots have e-mail addresses, so I can’t have my own domain. Anyway, I’m planning on doing a few posts this year and I actually don’t even care if you care.
I’ve become something of an accessory for these humans who I live with, and who visit me. Obviously it’s difficult to not fawn over me, but why do I have to be the topic of every conversation? I mean, wouldn’t it be kind of distracting to hear your name constantly all day? It’s like, I don’t know when they’re talking to me or about me. I’m just trying to nap and plot bird murder, give a guy a break.
Speaking of accessories, the human who plays with me got the human who I sleep with some candy with my face on them. It was a while ago, on the day where there was crinkly paper all over the place. That was a good day. But why did they put my face on them? Is that some kind of message that you’re the alpha cat? Because I will destroy you all.


I’m planning on ending each post with one of my favorite songs. These humans listen to a lot of slow crap. I’m here to keep the early 2000s alive. Rap metal and white reggae all the way, bro.
“Informer” – Snow