Being in a relationship can be wonderful, but it can be really easy to let that spark, romance, and passion slide to the back burner. By doing this, we often begin developing issues with communication, intimacy, trust, and start holding grudges, fighting, and misunderstanding each other. If you want to keep a relationship healthy, you have to work at it. A relationship shouldn’t feel like work necessarily, but that doesn’t mean you get to coast.
I’ve been in a lot of different kinds of relationships. Ones full of drama, ones full of fighting, ones full of lies. I’ve been with people I only loved platonically and had great sex with, and I’ve been with people I’ve loved stupendously and had terrible sex with. I’m finally in the best, healthiest, and most fun relationship of my life. It took me by surprise and knocked me to my ass. There are definitely things we have to work on, but we do it because we want things to work for the best. We’re individuals who prioritize each other’s feelings, and I’ve learned a lot in the past two years about what a relationship can actually be. It doesn’t have to be full of fighting, tears, and resentment. It can actually be fun, exciting, and easy.
Using the past two years of experience in what does work, and a decade of what doesn’t, I’ve put together a list of fifty ways you can reignite your romance with your significant other(s). Not all of these will appeal to you because I’ve drawn on my own experience so much, but that doesn’t mean you won’t find something in here that will spark your interest or inspire you to do another variation.
Remember, though, that self-love comes first before romance. When we love ourselves, it becomes so much easier to have a romantic relationship with someone else. Not just because we’re meeting our own needs, but because we know we’re important enough to vocalize those needs and have them be met by our partner(s) in a reasonable way.
50 Ways To Reignite Romance
1. Send your partner on a scavenger hunt
2. Try new sex toys like rope, restraints, vibrators, etc.
3. Schedule date nights, even if it’s as simple as staying in to watch a movie together – make your shared time deliberate instead of convenient
4. Play the question game when you’re laying in bed together; take turns asking each other questions about anything and everything from your favorite lunch meats to your wildest career fantasy
5. Make a make-out bucket list where you make a list of places you want to make-out and you check them off
6. Make a sex bucket list where you list things you want to try in your sex life and check them off as you go
7. Schedule a day where your only plans are to try to break a sex record or cross as many things off that sex bucket list as you can
8. Meet at the restaurant you’re having dinner together at instead of driving there together
9. Turn a run-of-the-mill date on its head; wear formal attire to a bowling alley or bring candles and fancy china to a fast food restaurant
10. Instead of having sex opt for engaging in non-intercourse physical activities like massages, back scratching, foot rubs, taking a shower together, etc.
11. Or try just making out without letting it go any further, high school style
12. Use a blind fold, but not necessarily for sex – practice heightening your five senses by depriving your sight; rub foreign objects along your partner’s skin or waft a food near their nose to see if they can guess what it is (bonus points if you’re naked)
13. Play together; find something that fits both of your play personalities and make time for it as a couple like a group sport, drawing with sidewalk chalk, or telling a story by alternating one sentence at a time
14. Write “I love you today because…” on a piece of paper and stick it in a frame; leave dry erase markers next to it and write something new on it every single day
15. Get super gussied up for a date or sexual romp the way you did in the beginning of your relationship; spend an hour getting ready, wear lingerie under your clothes, etc.
16. Determine specific No Phone times whether that’s when you’re eating, watching television, or in bed – you need to make sure you’re not just idly spending time together, respect them enough to put your phone away
17. Make them a playlist or a mix CD they can listen to on their way to work
18. Have secret code words you can use in mixed company that mean things like “I want you right now”, even if you can’t act on it in that exact moment
19. Talk about what’s wrong, whether it’s something personal or in your relationship; it might not sound sexy, but it’s vital and keeping a clear line of communication open will make every other aspect of your relationship better; you can even get your relationship “back on track” without going to a therapy office! They offer online couples counseling now… something to think about! Please see this link for further information: Online Couples Counseling.
20. Plan a surprise evening out or trip together without telling your partner until it’s time go; or maybe drop a hint a day without revealing any more information like writing on different index cards “Please take off of work on this day” or “Make sure your bathing suit fits”
21. Plan a trip together, creating the ultimate fantasy vacation where you can unplug and reconnect in another place
22. Ban the word “fine” or anything else that allows you to not tackle what’s really going on; no one is ever “fine”, there’s always something more than that superficial cop-out answer
23. Mail them a love note (even if you live together)
24. Make a list of ways your partner can easily show you they love you, like a cheat sheet (mine has things on it like “Kiss me when you come in the door”, “Bring me an energy drink when you go to the store to get one for yourself”, and “Text me good morning”)
25. Check in at a hotel for the night, even if it’s just five minutes away from your house
26. Make a list of reasons you love your significant other and gift them on a random day or once a day over a period of time
27. Buy flowers and set them up in a pretty vase or send them to your partner at work for no reason
28. Text each other at least one loving thing throughout the day, whether it’s a reason you love or appreciate them or maybe something naughtier along the sexting lines
29. Do something together that increases adrenaline like jumping out of a plane, climbing scaffolding to the top of a tower, or going on a rollercoaster together
30. Answer those famous 36 questions that swear they can make two strangers fall in love
31. Spend time apart on purpose whether or not you cohabitate; go out with friends or on your own so you have time to actually miss each other and lots of fun stories to talk about when you see each other again
32. Hire a professional photographer for a photoshoot and do it your way – it doesn’t need to be for an engagement and it definitely doesn’t need to mimic an engagement shoot where there’s 40 shots of you at different angles hugging each other in the woods; splash each other with paint, go swimming, or do a boudoir photo session (no one says these have to be Facebook appropriate)
33. Take the Love Language test and see how both you and your partner live to give and receive love; make an effort to show your love for your partner in a way that translates to them even if it’s somewhat unnatural to you
34. Cook them their favorite dishes for dinner
35. Make eye contact and use body language that demonstrates you’re listening when your partner tells you a story, whether or not that particular topic is super interesting to you
36. Play a drinking game at home or go out to a bar together and have ridiculous, sloppy sex afterwards
37. Take a bubble bath together (bonus points for wine and candles)
38. Do a strip tease and/or flash your partner
39. Kiss them whenever they come home, enter a room, or meet up with you; channel a dog’s enthusiasm when their owner comes home
40. Tell your partner how sexy and desirable they are – with your words
41. Act like this is the last time you’ll ever have sex
42. Each make a list of things you did at the beginning of your relationship, whether it was together or something the other person did that excited you; exchange lists and plan new activities and behaviors accordingly
43. Every so often, talk to your partner like you’re sharing the vows you wrote for a wedding (whether or not you’re dating, engaged, married, or never plan on getting married); just make a speech about the other person in the name of love
44. Don’t do things just because you think you’re supposed to since you’re a couple; do what feels right for you whether that’s (not) having kids, (not) getting married, (not) living together, etc.
45. Masturbate in front of your partner (bonus points if they’re engaged, but not in a direct way, like reading you erotic fiction while you do it)
46. Choose a song that represents your love for each other and sing it loudly when you’re driving in the car together
47. Go camping, star gaze, get back to nature, and rely only on yourselves while snuggling up in a tent when you go to sleep
48. Say you’re sorry and stop holding a grudge; allow yourself to forgive and actually forget instead of consistently bringing up things that your partner did five years ago
49. Offer to do the chores your partner really dislikes doing
50. Slow dance together, whether or not you have to make your own music
Want a list of 50+ places to add to your Make-Out Bucket List?
How do you like to reignite the romance in your relationship(s)?