What To Do If Your Partner Is An Addict

by | Mar 9, 2023 | How To | 0 comments

Is your partner addicted to alcohol or drugs? Living with an addict can be tough and can put a big strain on your relationship. It’s important to know when to take action – whether you choose to help your partner overcome their addiction or leave them. This post explains more. 

The signs of an addiction

First, it’s important to understand the signs of addiction. When does alcohol consumption or drug use turn into substance abuse? Any of the following signs could be an indicator that your partner has developed an addiction:

  • Your partner drinks or takes drugs on a daily basis
  • Your partner relies on alcohol or drugs to unwind. If they don’t drink or take drugs, they become irritable or perhaps even aggressive.
  • Your partner has already experienced ongoing negative effects from drinking or drugs (such as health problems, neglecting important responsibilities, outbursts of violence or getting into legal trouble) and yet they continue to drink/take drugs.
  • Your partner tried to hide the fact that they drink or take drugs excessively

Should you leave or help your partner?

You shouldn’t have to put up with a partner’s addictive behavior. This gives you two choices: support them in helping them to break their addiction, or leave them.

Leaving a partner is likely only to be an option if there is no love in the relationship or if you/your kids are in danger. It is generally a good idea to leave a relationship with someone who is addicted if they are regularly behaving violently, sleeping with other people or openly taking drugs in front of your kids. Until they have rectified their behaviour, it may not be safe for you or your kids to continue living with them – and they need to understand the gravity of their actions. 

If you still have a lot of love for your partner and they are not causing danger to you or your kids, then helping them is of course the best option. Overcoming an addiction often requires support from other people. In most cases, you cannot sit back and expect them to change their ways on their own – most people need to be continuously pushed by loved ones to remind them what is at stake. But of course this has to be done in the right way.

How to help your partner

There are a few things you can do to help your partner overcome their addiction. Below are just some of the steps to consider.

Express your concern

The first step to helping someone beat an addiction is to get them to accept that they are addicted. To do this, you will need to express your concern repeatedly. Make them understand that taking drugs everyday or getting drunk on a weekday is not okay and explain why you are not happy with it. 

Do not express your concern in an aggressive way. It is better to come across sad or even frightened as they are less likely to get defensive.

Research into the addiction

By understanding the addiction better, you can be more constructive when it comes to helping them recover. This could include understanding exactly what addiction does to the body and brain, as well as the types of treatment that are recommended.

This could include looking at informational sites online or talking to professionals that work with people who are addicted. 

Give up together

If you drink or also take drugs, consider whether you’re up for the challenge of also giving up or cutting down. Seeing you make efforts to change your life could help motivate them to do the same. It will make overcoming addiction a less lonely process and you can both steer each other away from temptation.

Of course, if you find yourself becoming easily tempted back into drug use or alcohol use, this won’t work (and could be a sign that you too are addicted). 

Help them find new passions and goals

You can also encourage your partner to find new passions and goals to help replace their addiction. This could help distract them from their addiction and give them a new focus.

You could even consider finding new passions and goals to take up together such as exercising together, taking on DIY projects together or developing new joint hobbies.

Know when to plan an intervention

An intervention may be necessary if your partner is refusing to accept their addictive behavior, if they are making no attempts to change or if they are trying to change but constantly relapsing. Just what is an intervention? In most cases, it is a last resort attempt to get through to someone by rallying multiple people together – such as family members and close friends – to express their concern.

Having multiple people rally together could help your partner realize the seriousness of the situation and could help them appreciate the support that they have around them. However, it could also backfire and make your partner feel as if they have been ganged up upon. This is why it’s worth working with an interventionist to organize the event properly so that it doesn’t do more harm than good. 

Know when to use tough love

Sometimes you need to use tough love to protect you and your partner. This may be the only way to make them realise the seriousness of their addiction and the effect it is having.

A few examples of tough love include:

  • Throwing away any drugs or alcohol that you find stashed away – no matter how much money was spent on them.
  • Threatening to ring the police if they continue their behavior, and following through when necessary.
  • Refusing to cover up for them or tell lies to an employer and making them aware of this from the onset – even if it means they could lose their job or get into legal trouble. 
  • Not letting them in the house if they come back intoxicated late without a key and are acting aggressively. 

Look after yourself

While trying to help your partner, you could end up neglecting your own health if you are not careful. If you are getting frustrated by setbacks or feel that the responsibility is too great, make sure to talk to people around you. If you have no friends or family members that you feel comfortable opening up to, consider talking to a counsellor. You don’t want to spiral into depression and end up being the one who needs looking after.

Similarly, be aware of your own addictive behaviors. The worst thing you can do when living with an addict is to try to keep up with their addictive behavior. Notice when you are becoming as bad as them and take measures to cut down or quit yourself – you cannot convince someone to beat an addiction if you are also an addict. 

In Columbia, Maryland, there’s a former grocery store that has been transformed into a department store for mythical creatures, time travelers, and intergalactic tourists.

It’s called DoodleHATCH.

You can groom a unicorn, visit an intergalactic space station, climb onto a giant’s bed, meet guinea pigs, explore an artist’s studio, and discover approximately a million other things that somebody actually sat down and made.

It’s a nonprofit interactive art museum, a community project, an educational resource, and one of my favorite places I’ve ever discovered.

And it could be demolished as part of a proposed redevelopment of the Long Reach Village Center.

But there’s still an opportunity to help.

You don’t need to donate money. You don’t need to live in Maryland. And you don’t need to know anything about zoning laws.

You can start by writing an email.

🚨 Here's what's happening

Developer Columbia Concepts has proposed redeveloping the Long Reach Village Center in Columbia, Maryland.

The proposal would replace existing buildings with new housing, recreational facilities, and other development.

Unfortunately, that puts a whole collection of existing community resources at risk of being demolished, including:

  • DoodleHATCH Interactive Art Museum
  • Maryland Fashion Institute
  • A makerspace used for community education
  • Local restaurants, shops, and service businesses
  • Early childhood education and community programs
  • A 140-foot-long mural created by approximately 100 community members

This isn’t just about losing a fabulous museum. It’s about losing an entire collection of places that people have built, supported, and relied on.

And there’s another possibility!

🌈 Meet The REALM

Lee Andersen, the founder of DoodleHATCH, and her nonprofit ManneqART want to preserve the existing community resources and transform the village center into an arts and culture destination called The REALM.

Imagine a place where artists have studios, children have room to explore, students can learn creative skills, people can attend performances, and local businesses continue serving their neighbors.

There are plans for a performing arts space, more opportunities for artists, and a Witches Kitchen that might serve you a horrible-disgusting breakfast.

Which, personally, I think sounds promising.

The people behind DoodleHATCH are gathering support to oppose the developer’s zoning proposal and advocate for The REALM.

And they’d love your help.

💌 How to help in about two minutes

If you live in Howard County, Maryland

If you’re 18 or older, DoodleHATCH is asking eligible county residents to visit the museum and sign their petition in person.

📍DoodleHATCH Interactive Art Museum

8775 Cloudleap Court, Unit 101
Columbia, MD 21045

⏱️ Museum hours: Friday–Sunday, 10 AM–5 PM.

And while you’re there, I highly recommend exploring the museum. Bring someone who needs a reminder that being an adult doesn’t mean you have to stop enjoying ridiculous things.

If you don't live in Howard County

You can still help!

DoodleHATCH is collecting emails from people who oppose the proposed Columbia Concepts redevelopment and support preserving the existing arts and community resources through The REALM.

Send your email to: Lilou@DoodleHATCH.com

Suggested subject: Support The REALM | Oppose Columbia Concepts Zoning Proposal ZB 1132M

You can write your own message or use one of the templates below.

You don’t need to write an essay. A short, genuine message explaining what you support and why is enough to participate in this email campaign.

✍️ What should your email say?

To make your position clear, include these three things:

1. Say what you’re opposing.

State that you oppose the proposed Columbia Concepts redevelopment and zoning amendment for the Long Reach Village Center, case ZB 1132M.

2. Say what you’re supporting.

Express your support for preserving DoodleHATCH, the Maryland Fashion Institute, existing community resources, and the proposed arts and culture center called The REALM.

3. Explain why you care.

This is the part that makes your email yours.

Maybe you’ve visited DoodleHATCH. Maybe you’re a parent who wants more creative places for children. Maybe you’re an artist, an educator, or someone who thinks it’s important to protect the few spaces where people can explore and make things without needing to buy something.

Maybe you live across the country and just learned that there’s a department store for mythical creatures in Maryland, and you think the world would be a little less interesting without it.

That’s a perfectly good reason to care.

Automatically Build Your Email!

💌 Email templates you can copy

Option 1: Short, simple, and effective

Subject: Support The REALM | Oppose ZB 1132M

Hello,

I’m writing to express my opposition to the proposed Columbia Concepts zoning amendment and redevelopment of the Long Reach Village Center (ZB 1132M).

I support preserving DoodleHATCH, the Maryland Fashion Institute, and the existing community services and small businesses, as well as the proposal to create The REALM arts and culture center.

Creative and educational spaces like these provide valuable opportunities for families, artists, students, and the wider community. I believe they deserve to be protected.

Please include my email with the messages of support being collected for DoodleHATCH and The REALM.

Thank you,

[Your Name]
[Your City/State]

Option 2: For artists, creatives, and fellow merriment makers

Subject: Please Protect DoodleHATCH and Support The REALM

Hello,

I’m writing in opposition to Columbia Concepts’ proposed redevelopment and zoning amendment for the Long Reach Village Center (ZB 1132M), and in support of The REALM.

I believe communities need places where creativity, imagination, and play are actively encouraged.

DoodleHATCH is an extraordinary example of what can happen when artists and community members are given room to create something that doesn’t fit into an ordinary commercial space.

Places like this are rare. They encourage people of all ages to experiment, learn, explore, and connect with one another.

I support preserving DoodleHATCH, the Maryland Fashion Institute, the existing community resources, and the vision for The REALM.

Thank you for collecting these messages and advocating for the creative community.

[Your Name]
[Your City/State]

Option 3: For people who've visited DoodleHATCH

Subject: Please Save DoodleHATCH | Oppose ZB 1132M

Hello,

I’m writing to express my opposition to the proposed Columbia Concepts redevelopment and zoning amendment for the Long Reach Village Center (ZB 1132M), and my support for The REALM.

I’ve personally visited DoodleHATCH, and I want to share why I believe it’s worth preserving.

[Write two or three sentences about your experience. What did you see? Who did you bring? What surprised you? What made you want to return?]

DoodleHATCH is more than a collection of exhibits. It’s a place where creativity is something people can actively participate in, and I believe losing it would be a tremendous loss to the community.

I support preserving the museum, the Maryland Fashion Institute, and the other existing community resources through the proposed arts and culture center, The REALM.

Please include my email with the messages of support you’re collecting.

Thank you,

[Your Name]
[Your City/State]

A few tips before you hit send

Automatically Build Your Email!

DO:

  • Use your real name.

  • Include your city and state so organizers can understand where support is coming from.

  • Clearly identify the redevelopment proposal you’re opposing.

  • Specifically mention your support for The REALM.

  • Add a personal sentence or two if you can.

  • Be respectful, even if you’re frustrated.

  • Share this page with other people who might want to help.

DON’T:

  • Pretend to be a Howard County resident if you’re not.

  • Claim to have visited DoodleHATCH if you haven’t.

  • Make up experiences or information.

  • Send threatening, insulting, or harassing messages.

  • Assume your email is the same thing as signing the official petition.

  • Worry about making your message sound impressive. Clear and genuine is better than elaborate.

💌 The Save DoodleHATCH Email Machine

A few clicks, a little personality, and an email that helps support DoodleHATCH and The REALM. No account or signup required.

What's your connection to DoodleHATCH?
Why does protecting places like this matter to you?
✨ Your email preview
To: Lilou@DoodleHATCH.com
Subject: 


✉️ Open in My Email App




Your information stays in your browser until you choose to copy or open the message. The email does not send automatically. Emails support DoodleHATCH's advocacy campaign; they are not the same as official petition signatures or zoning testimony. Please review the message before sending.
 





			

			

				
				
				
				
			

				
				
			

				
				
				
				
				
				
				

				

				
				
				
				
				

				
				
				
				
				
🐹 Wait. What exactly is DoodleHATCH?

			

				
				
				
				
				
			

				
				
				
				
				
I’m so glad you asked.


DoodleHATCH is an interactive art museum in Columbia, Maryland, created by artist, designer, and professional generator of wildly ambitious ideas, Lee Andersen.


The museum is designed as a pretend department store for mythological creatures, time travelers, and galactic tourists.


There are dozens of installations, and unlike most museums, you’re encouraged to touch things, explore, and participate.


There’s also an artist’s studio full of fabric and handmade garments, workshops, special events, birthday parties, free books, and opportunities for local artists to share their work.


The museum welcomes families and children, but adults are absolutely allowed to enjoy themselves, too.


And the woman behind it has spent decades bringing creativity into the community through fashion, festivals, education, and public art.


I discovered DoodleHATCH in 2020 and loved it so much that I started volunteering.


I’ve been back multiple times, and there are still things I haven’t seen.


That’s part of what makes it special. You can keep discovering things because people keep creating them.

			

			

				
				
				
				
			

				

				
				
				
				
				

				
				
				
				
				
You don't have to live near DoodleHATCH to care about it.

			

				
				
				
				
				
There are Merriment Makers everywhere.


People turning empty buildings into art spaces. People organizing parades. People teaching kids how to sew, paint, dance, or build things. People putting enormous amounts of time into projects that make their communities more interesting.


Sometimes they’re running nonprofits. Sometimes they’re working out of their garages. Sometimes they’re making something weird in a strip mall that you might drive past a hundred times without realizing what’s inside.


I hope you’ll help protect DoodleHATCH.


And I hope you’ll look around your own community, too. Visit the strange little museum. Go to the local art show. Find the person who makes giant puppets or organizes an absurd annual festival. Spend your money at the independent shop with the handmade things.


There are people everywhere creating reasons for us to be curious about being alive.


I’d like them to be able to keep doing that.

			

				
				
				
				
				
			

				
				
				
				
				
Help save DoodleHATCH. Help protect The REALM. Help keep the world interesting.

			

				
				
				
				
				
💌 Email: Lilou@DoodleHATCH.com


🌈 Visit: DoodleHATCH.com


🦄 Share: Uncustomary.org/Doodle