I’m not married, and I have never been married, but I imagine that it gets both easier and harder. I’ve always imagined that once you get married, no matter how long you’ve been together, you feel a renewed sense of commitment and all the promises you’ve been making to each other finally feel real because you’re following through on them in a real way! But that doesn’t mean that relationships, especially marriage, is easy! Especially since many times, marriages involve children who can be exhausting and interaction with extended families who may not share your values.
Over time, anything can be taxing, but the idea of marriage is the excitement you had in that honeymoon phase, the proposal, the vows you shared. The feeling of wanting to share your life with someone, and having hope and optimism for the future because you love and believe in your person.
Experiences, routine, and life can leave us feeling jaded and we can get easily disconnected from the feeling we felt at our most excited, and forget why we were getting married in the first place. And sometimes much deeper problems develop as a result of this original disconnect. That’s where marriage counseling comes in!
Marriage counseling is not something to be stigmatized. As I’ve said before about couples counseling in general: if you’re on top of things, open-minded, and willing to do the work in the name of love, it is not a death sentence. It is not “the thing you do before you break up” as the myth goes. It is the thing you use a tool to learn more coping skills, communication techniques, and ways to shift your perspective to break down fear and come back to love on a daily basis.
Too often, when we are unhappy, we place blame somewhere else. Couples counseling with your spouse can offer the unique perspective of having a neutral third party who can help gear you back to really hear your partner’s thoughts and feelings, even if the way you made them feel wasn’t your intention. It’s important for us to listen, learn, and try to be conscious with our language and actions. One of the best people to help you learn this is a therapist or psychologist who specializes in marriage counseling.
Remember that even if you’re super busy with your life, marriage, kids, job, home life, etc. that you can take advantage of the option of online couples counseling! You don’t always have to get all dressed up, drive to a different zip code, find parking, wait in a lounge, and then start your session. What if you could just sit down with your partner from the comfort of your pajamas in your own home? That might make things even easier!
If the idea of marriage counseling appeals to you, you don’t need to be scared. Any new addition to your routine and life can be scary, but it should not make you feel guilt, shameful, or like you’re failing in any way. You are a human, doing the best you can, joining your life, feelings, thoughts, passions, and habits with an entirely different human! There are bound to be hiccups and bigger stir-ups. Asking for helps is not admitting failure. So if you need help, this is your permission slip to ask for it today.