I want to preface this with the fact that I support all sexual and gender identities. The goal of my post is not to offend anyone who has dealt with stigma, bullying, disapproval, or general difficulties with acceptance in society for not being heterosexual, nor is it to belittle their past experiences with coming out which took an exceptional amount of courage.
Coming out is an important moment in a gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, etc. person’s life. It is different for each person, and they should be able to choose how they do so and to whom.
That said, the idea of “coming out” implies you need to do so because your sexual identity doesn’t conform with a heteronormative lifestyle. I know this to be true because heterosexual children, teenagers, young adults, etc. aren’t ever told to “come out”. They simply are attracted to the opposite sex and pursue them for dating, romance, and sexual activities.
If a young girl wants to go on a date with a guy, she might need to talk with her parents about their guidelines for dating including minimum age, chaperones, curfews, etc. She wouldn’t need to sit down and explain that she is attracted to guys and have her parents “react” to that piece of information about her.
This is why I think the act of coming out is perpetuating stigma surrounding LGBTQ identities. It might have been necessary decades ago when barely anyone accepted it with open arms, but it’s 2015 and the federal government has passed a law stating that any two consenting adults of any gender or sexual orientation can get married, so I don’t think we should continue encouraging the process of coming out.
Instead, I think we should encourage everyone to feel like it is okay to be attracted to whomever they are attracted to and date whoever they’d like to date without the need for a nerve-wracking sit down explanation.
You are an amazing person, no matter what gender you identify with or who you are attracted to sexually. Worrying about how others will accept your sexual orientation can cause anxiety, depressing, and prevent you from continuing on your journey of self love. Let’s start a revolution and create a world full of micro environments where people feel comfortable to be themselves without the need for an elaborate explanation.
HOLY EFF, MARY. I love this.
I don’t identify with any sexual orientation and have been with both women and men. Currently, my girlfriend and I have been together with two and a half years, and I honestly believe that this is it – she’s the one. Before her, however, I was married to a man and had three kids.
I’ve never identified as a single sexual orientation and have never labeled myself. I still don’t. I just love who I love and never felt the need to “come out.” When I started dating my girlfriend (at age 27), it was a surprise to some people in my life who didn’t know me in my teens and early 20s, which is when I had last dated women, but it wasn’t something I sat them down for to tell them. They just figured it out. Same with people at work. And my oldest daughter, who is 10 and absolutely understands.
Anyway, enough rambling. Just a note to say I wholeheartedly agree with you on this and love that you’ve introduced the perspective to the collective conversation.
I think that’s great! For some people it might feel better to have a defined/labeled sexual orientation, but it’s definitely not necessary and I hate that people pressure others to label themselves if they don’t want to! I’m glad you’ve had positive experiences with your “lack of label” and I’m really proud of you for knowing who you are enough to not feel the need to explain, excuse, or label yourself for anyone in your life. <3 Thank you so much for commenting and sharing.
EXACTLY. For more of my thoughts on this, you can read this short-ish (for me (ha!)) post: http://www.kelseyespecially.com/2015/07/on-being-gay-not-straight/
It’s a bold statement and I love you for putting it out there. I feel similarly about how people have to always point out when a woman is in a position, like “girl band” or “woman president.” It would be nice if we could get to a place where we’re all just humans and no longer need to come out, preface our life’s path or make a thing out of being ourselves. Blarg.
p.s. those rainbow knees need to be a postcard!!
You’re like the fourth person to tell me that. Point taken!
Ha ha! I will definitely buy several.
Thank you. I was worried it was going to come off offensive and that’s not my intention and I’m really grateful at how well it’s been received so far. I 100% agree with that. We do it with gender, race, sexual orientation … it’s crazy! People should just be people.
Yes! By pointing these things out it can set people apart for their “otherness” rather than bringing us together. I’m all for people celebrating their uniqueness and being loud and proud, but I also wish we could see beyond labels one day.