I shared this on my Instagram last night, and the overnight response was overwhelming. It’s important to me to be transparent, but this really seemed to resonate with people, so I wanted to share it here, too.
Even at my most depressed, I’ve still cared. I’ve still cared deeply, actually. Something recently happened that left me feeling numb, though. Apathetic. I’m missing the feelings for compassion and excitement. It’s bizarre. I don’t want to do anything, really. It sucks.
Yesterday, I was asking people on Facebook for recommendations for sad movies because I’m freaking out that I cant cry. I’m not sad about what happened. I’m not excited when I see dogs in sweaters. I feel empty. Laura wrote me a text that I’ve turned into an affirmation that is the only thing that’s helping me right now:
“Knowledge is power. I am capable of protecting myself from toxicity while remaining open to the good”.
Self-love right now looks like asking for help and being open to triggering emotions to shift myself out of this. It looks like an atrocious amount of unopened emails. It looks like spending a lot of time in bed.
I really appreciate everyone’s comments, support, and concern. It’s nice to know I’m not alone, for sure, and to not feel judged either. I’m spending the day at my dad’s with Bug (feeling like a robot learning to love, haha). Sending lots of gratitude.
Photo: Maura Housley